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Arguing with your parents is totally natural for teens. From your hairstyle to your friends
to your marks at school
to your television habits
to your future plans
it might just seem like you argue with your parents about everything. While this is not generally a pleasant state of affairs
it is normal and it will most likely pass.Argue fairlyArguments between teens and parents generally come about when both parties believe that they know what is best for the teen. Parents have been caring for their teens for over a decade
but teens are quickly becoming adults and believe that they are able to take care of themselves. If you must agree with them
argue fairly by: Allowing each person to speak their mind. Refusing to interrupt others when they are speaking. Sticking only to the topic at hand.Argue respectfullyNo matter how heated things may get during an argument
try to remember that your parents still are worthy of your attention
respect and love. During arguments
be respectful by: Keeping your voice lowered at all times and refusing to shout. Sitting still and staying calm. Refusing to engage in angry actions such as kicking
throwing or hitting anything. Reasonably explaining the reasons for your opinions. _________There is a thin line between having a discussion and engaging in an argument
but smart teens know that keeping their interactions with their parents at the discussion level practically guarantees that they will be taken more seriously. No one likes to argue
and the parents of teens can be especially weary of it
so keeping things at the discussion level will work to everyone's advantage.Arguing with parents is practically a sign of the teenaged years
but out-of-control arguments don't serve anyone well. Before arguing with your parents
decide what type of teen you want to be and what compromises (妥协)you are willing to make in order to achieve your goals. You never know
you might just avoid an argument a
ll together.60.This passage mainly tells teens______.A. arguments don't solve any problemB. arguing with parents may hurt themC. some tips on arguing with parentsD. how to avoid arguing with parents61. When arguing with your parents
you should______.A. make up your mind not to give in B. show your respect for themC. express your opinions through actionsD. make full preparations for it 62. Which of the following is proper for the blank in the passage?A. Take discussion seriously&&&&&&&&&&&& B. Argue seriously
&& C. To be smart teens&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& D. Argue only when needed63. The underlined phrase "be weary of "in the passage probably means_& ___.A. be proud of&& .&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&B. be interested in C. be tired of&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& D. be satisfied of64.It seems that the author thinks teens' arguing with parents is_______A. normal&&&&&&& B. practical&&&&&&&& C. shameful&&&&&&&&& D. impolite
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Helping Teens Cope
10 Pages - (75 KB) in PDF Format
Responding to Stressful Events: Helping Teens Cope
Adolescents may be strongly affected by natural or human-caused disasters such as earthquakes, health emergencies, terrorist attacks or acts of war. Even indirect exposure to such events through media coverage may challenge their coping skills. Teens are generally more aware of and interested in world events than younger children. They are also able to imagine frightening events in more detail, and may become very interested in or upset by images of destruction.
Teens are already dealing with the many physical, social and emotional changes of adolescence. As they struggle to develop their own identity and values, they typically question and "try on" attitudes that range from cynicism to idealism. Catastrophic events can undermine their belief that the world is a safe place, their sense that adults and institutions can be relied upon, and even their confidence that life is meaningful and that there is hope for a better society.
It is normal for teens to have feelings of worry, confusion, sadness, or fear when disaster, terrorism or war are the main focus of the news. They need the adults in their lives to pay attention to their feelings and reactions.
It is important to know that:
Teens can cope with stressful situations, and you can help them.
They will express their feelings in different ways, both directly and indirectly. Some of their behaviours may puzzle or worry you are likely to pass before long.
One of the most important steps you can take to help teens is to make sure that they know they are safe and that you will be there for them if they feel upset.
The way you handle the situation will have a big impact on how teens will handle it. Pay attention to your own reactions and take positive steps to take care of yourself. (For some hints on how to do this, check out another brochure in this series, "")
Some Reactions to Expect
In general, teens are resilient. Most are strong, sensible and have good social support systems that will help them cope. They tend to respond well to tragic events, often looking for ways to help. Others may appear to ignore, play down, or "tune out" disturbing events. Nevertheless, a major stressful event can have a number of effects on teens. Here is a list of some common reactions:
Worries, fears, and anxiety about their safety and the safety of family and friends
Fear of other violent events or war
Negative ideas about and mistrust of others, particularly those of different backgrounds
A significant increase or decrease in time spent with friends or doing usual activities such as music, sports, and school
Increase in disruptive behaviours, for example arguing, defiance, angry outbursts
Increased crying, sadness or depressed feelings
More difficulty concentrating or paying attention
Problems at school: poorer grades, behaviour problems or more absences from school
Teens may be less active and seem tired, or be more active, impatient and agitated
Problems sleeping – either sleeping too much or not enough
Problems eating – either eating too much or not enough
Teenagers who appear withdrawn and isolated, and who isolate themselves from family and friends, can be experiencing emotional difficulties. Adolescents need to feel competent and in control. However, they may be concealing feelings that are difficult to express. They struggle to be independent from the family and are torn between the desire for increased responsibility and their dependence on family and adults.
Don't over-react. Many of these behaviours, including a certain amount of moodiness and arguing, can be normal features of adolescence, which is a period of great change and challenges. You should, however, pay attention to behaviours that are new and disturbing. Make use of the suggestions in this pamphlet. If you show understanding and support, the unusual behaviours are likely to disappear within a short period of time. If the behaviours are dangerous or seriously disruptive, or if they don't improve after a few weeks, parents, family members or teachers should seek help.
How to Help
Teenagers often behave as if they are invulnerable. They may pretend not to be affected or concerned in an effort to remain "above it all" and "cool." Don't let this fool you. They may be scared, confused, worried and in need of your help.1
Here are some suggestions on how to help them cope:
Grief and Loss. Grief includes shock, denial, anger, numbness, sadness, and confusion. Grief is a normal response to loss of all kinds including death and disasters. Teens need to know that grief is not permanent, and that people deal with it in healthy ways. We may be changed by these events, but we learn that we are strong, we can cope and we will be OK.
Talk with your teens about grief and loss. This will help them to understand and accept their own thoughts and feelings and to know that grief will end and they will be OK.
Explain that it can take time to get over a loss.
Encourage them to be patient with themselves and with others.
Honest Reassurance. Offer reassurance based on the real steps that are being taken to address the situation, not on wishful thinking. Don't tell your teens that "this will all be over soon,"1 or that "something like this could never happen in Canada". Although it is unlikely, no one can guarantee that no disasters or terrorist acts will occur. Admit that there are things you just don't know. However, don't hesitate to say, as often as necessary, that many people are working to ensure everyone's safety, and that there is little chance anything will happen to them.
Listen to what they have to say about the events and how they perceive them. Listen patiently. Provide them, as best you can, with factual information and help them distinguish opinion from fact. Try not to lecture or interrupt them.1
Humour. Especially among their peers, teens may crack jokes about tragedies in "an unconscious effort to distance themselves from their fears"1 and from the emotional shock of disaster. This is a normal reaction. Discourage disrespectful jokes while not cutting off lines of communication. There will be less of a problem if teens have the chance to discuss their thoughts and feelings with you in an atmosphere of respect.
Anger and Revenge. In response to acts of terrorism or war, some teens may feel angry and want revenge. Rage and a desire for vengeance are often based on feelings of threat, helplessness and vulnerability. Young people may get the message from peers or the media that they are "supposed" to feel angry and vengeful, that this is the attitude that will win approval and acceptance. Turn the conversation to the underlying feelings, tell them how you feel and discuss positive options other than revenge.
You may need to stop aggressive behaviour. If this behaviour is severe or persists, you may want to seek professional help.
Affection. Be patient with teens and with yourself. Give your family time to cope. Find simple, daily ways to show teens that you love them ? hugs, words of praise, fun time together.
Comforting friends. If teens have friends who have been directly affected by a tragedy, help them find ways of comforting these friends.1 They may need help to know how to offer comfort and support. They may avoid talking to these friends out of fear of causing more pain. On the other hand, they may identify too closely with their friends' pain and spend too much time with them. Balance and keeping up with normal routines is essential.
TV Coverage. You may want to help teens limit their exposure to news coverage of stressful events. Teens should not be shielded from the facts about catastrophic events but watching too much coverage of these events can put them in an emotionally overloaded, anxious state.1 Watch TV news coverage together and talk about what you are seeing, hearing, and feeling.
Terrorism and War. Teens, like most adults, will likely not have a good understanding of the complex situations that lead to terrorist attacks and armed conflict. Discussing world events and exploring different ways of understanding them will help teens put the events into context. This should help them feel less upset and vulnerable. It should also help to avoid simplistic responses like scapegoating or racism.
Maintain Family Routines. Maintain family routines, particularly around sleeping, eating and extracurricular activities (e.g., sports, faith services, music, dance). This does not mean pretending nothing has happened. Make time in your schedule to talk about the situation and plan how to respond positively. Maintaining routines is an important way of ensuring that basic needs are met.
Decision making. If teens are quite upset by these events, it may not be a good time for them to make important decisions. Encourage them to take the time they need to think things over.
Appropriate adult behaviour and responses. Tell teens what you think and feel about the events so they can understand them better. They will gain confidence to deal with their own feelings if you show them that you have strong feelings and that you can cope with them in healthy ways. Talk to teens' friends about their responses to the situation. This can help them.
Vulnerable Teens. Stressful events and an ongoing climate of uncertainty and worry can have a greater impact on teens who are vulnerable. This may include teens who have experienced serious bullying, difficult family separations, deaths in the family, family violence, sexual assault, a traumatic refugee experience, clinical depression, an anxiety disorder or other mental illness, a history of drug/alcohol abuse, self-injury or suicide attempts. Some vulnerable teens may experience a return or worsening of mental health problems or unhealthy behaviours, up to and including suicide attempts.
Helping Activities for Teens
Teens need to participate in activities that help them feel better. They may find some of these activities useful:
Relaxing Activities. Encourage relaxing activities such as reading, listening to music, taking a walk, riding bikes, etc.
Diaries. Some teens benefit from writing their thoughts and feelings in a diary.
Recreational Activities. Teens need to return to previous fun activities. Vigorous physical activities and sports help reduce stress, make people feel more alert, happy and energetic.
Volunteering helps teens grow up caring, confident, and responsible. It will also help them deal with events in a positive way. Suggest they call the volunteer bureau in their community to find out more about, for example, helping elementary children with reading and homework, visiting senior citizen centres, assisting at an animal shelter, working with Special Olympics.
Fundraising. Organizing a fundraising event (for example, a carwash) to aid those in need is one way of channelling concern, compassion and energy in a positive way.
Peer Group Activities. Encourage activities where teens can get together with their friends to discuss what happened, share their thoughts and try to make sense of events.
When to Seek Help
Teens are amazingly flexible and resilient and their parents and teachers are capable of helping them deal with the situation. However, getting additional help is a good idea if a teen shows significant changes in behaviour in the weeks or months following stressful events. Some of these changes could include:
Behaviour problems at home or school
Learning problems
Angry outbursts
Ongoing withdrawal from usual social activities or being with their friends
Frequent nightmares or other sleep disturbances
Physical problems such as nausea, headaches, weight gain or loss
Feeling very anxious or afraid
Ongoing sadness or depression
Hopelessness about life or the future
Increased risk-taking or problems with the law
Abuse of alcohol, street drugs, medicines or solvents
Suicidal thinking or behaviour
Some teens may be more at risk for a persistent or strongly negative response, or even for suicidal behaviours. Be particularly watchful and prepared to seek professional help if there are signs of poor coping.
Following a stressful event, some teens have found it helpful to talk with a health professional such as a physician, a psychologist, a social worker, a nurse or a psychiatrist who can help them understand and deal with how they are feeling.
Acknowledgments
This document was revised by the Mental Health Support Network of Canada, a network of professional and voluntary associations concerned about mental health and the stress arising from extreme stressors.
Much of the information in this document was developed following the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the United States using information put together by Health Canada with input from the Canadian Medical Association, Canadian Psychological Association, Canadian Psychiatric Association and the Canadian Public Health Association.
Mental Health Support Network of Canada, Members:
Canadian Association of Occupational Therapists
Canadian Association of Social Workers
Canadian Healthcare Association
Canadian Medical Association
Canadian Mental Health Association
Canadian Nurses Association
Canadian Paediatric Society
Canadian Pharmacists Association
Canadian Psychiatric Association
Canadian Psychological Association
Canadian Public Health Association
Canadian Red Cross
The College of Family Physicians of Canada
Public Health Agency of Canada
Coping Resources in Your Community
Please use this space to list the names and telephone numbers of key resources and programs in your community (including friends and family you can call to talk things over).
___________________________________________________________
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1 Carleton Kendrick, "Helping Teens Cope with the September 11 Tragedy" (familyeducation.com)
This pamphlet has been published by the Public Health Agency of Canada, Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0K9.
It can be reproduced freely for non-profit educational purposes or as part of a public awareness initiative, provided that full acknowledgment of the source is made. For more information about the psychosocial dimension of emergency preparedness, see the Personal Services manual at:)
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Is He Really Even Here?
I used to think that my brother was just another stupid boy who had cooties. Not to long ago did my view of that change. Well, a while ago I changed my mind on the cooties of course, but his being just another guy has changed.
At a very young age my brother and I got along great, we never fought or argued. As we grew up more we started to bicker regularly. We would argue at the smallest things, for example, if it was my day to vacuum and I hadn’t yet, he would start to tell me to do it I would start telling him he wasn’t mom, and that he couldn’t tell me what to do. We would argue for the next half hour or until one of our parents got home to put us in time out. To me it seemed like he wanted to make me mad, just to get a reaction out of me. At times that is what he wanted. He knew what buttons to push to send me over the edge. I would do the same to him too, sometimes. Little things would
he didn’t want to empty the dishwasher, so he’d tell me to empty half. I would start telling him that no, I had homework, there was nothing in it for me, and it was his chore anyways.
Just that easily we would have a topic we didn’t agree on and we would start arguing. There where times when I would start crying I got so upset with him. I couldn’t stand him.
It was like this for quite a few years. Then when he started high school everything seemed to change. His social life started to pick up and it seemed like he was always doing something. We still argued a lot, especially his freshman year. We had gotten so bad that my parents could hardly leave us home alone for and hour with out us calling them to resolve a situation. Numerous times were we threatened to have a babysitter watch us while our parents were gone. Come his sophomore year, he got his license and it seemed like he was always gone. He either had a school project, or one of his friends was doing something and wanted him to come. From about that point on he and I started seeing less and less of each other. This meant we bickered less.
This also meant that with the less I saw of him the more we drifted. It was almost as if our arguing had been our way of getting to know each other. That’s how I would talk to my bro argue with him to find out his opinion on a subject. Since he was always gone, I didn’t talk to him at all, we started drifting, and there were times when I felt I couldn’t talk to him at all. It was awkward to even talk to my own brother. I felt at times as though he was a total stranger to me. It was weird, really unnatural. Yet there were times I was glad he wasn’t there to argue with me, there were times I was glad he was gone.
Even odder, were the times when I actually missed him.
When he hit his junior year, and I my freshman, he and I only really talked in the mornings, ready to go, or which radio station conversations. They could hardly be
More an exchanging of a few words ever once and a while. The car drives to school or when he drove me to a friend’s house, were filled with either a long awkward silence or the radio blasting until I said good bye. My view of my
now, he seemed like some strange guy, just there. Like an old friend that had lost touch and now was showing up and happened to live with me.
My freshman year went on like this for a while, and then I started to see my brother as cool. He had a laid back feel about him. I he didn’t and still doesn’t have to work hard to get things in school. I always saw the good side of him. Towards the end of my freshman year, we started talking more in the morning and he started telling me random things, like how to drive a manual transmission car or how you should drive under different weather conditions. One morning he was quizzing me on the name and artist of the songs that came on the radio. Of course he knew who they were, that too added to my admiration towards him. After our drifting apart, it seemed as though we were sort of getting closer again.
Then over this past summer, it seems he went through a total change in personality and attitude. He started fighting with my parents more and more. He was going through a power struggle with my parents. The constant arguing was really getting on my nerves! I would always hide up in my room while the argued. He was gone even more than he used to be it seemed. There were plenty of times that I was scared he would run away, even a couple nights that I silently cried myself to sleep because of him.
I was worried, that was one emotion I thought I would have never felt about my brother while in high school.
Without noticing it, we were drifting more than ever. In the speed it takes to flip on the lights, it felt as though he was a stranger again. I didn’t like it. Not one bit. I knew that he was starting to get into bad stuff, I didn’t know exactly what, but I had ideas. I’d been told things about some of the friends th stories about what they do on the weekends. Not the best things either.
I was scared for my brother now. I was scared that he might mess up really bad, scared that he wouldn’t get by so easily in life as he used to.
I really wanted my brother to change, to be that stupid immature boy with cooties again. Something else, just so that he didn’t get himself or somebody else hurt.
He’s been pretty busy lately because he recently got his pilot’s license.
I think that is so cool, and I now want to get mine before I graduate high school. I still look up to him like I
I also look down on him too, for what he did in the past. He’ll be graduation this spring and be going off to collage next fall. I don’t like to let on but I’m really worried about what he’ll do there. He may not know it but he’s taught me many things through his actions and mistakes, I only hope he learns just as many things through his actions and mistakes before it’s too late.
I’ve often been told that as you get older, you get closer to your siblings. I’m really hoping that this is true. Or at least that I’ll one day be able to talk to him and feel that it’s not like talking to a stranger. Right now, I feel that I’ve lost my brother, emotionally. I miss him.
Though I am seeing more of him now, I sometimes wonder if he’s really even here.
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