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【中英对照】Alone on the water水上的孤独收藏
吧里有过这篇文章的译文，不过还是自不量力地想要重翻一下原文，因为有一些精彩的文字翻过译成中文很难看出萌点……嗯，这里放出中英对照版本，也给学英语的孩子们一些参考。放文过程中请不要插楼。现在翻到一半左右。不定期更新，大概两周内完结，期间欢迎随意插楼。LZ英语也不太好，有很多直译语言感觉奇怪的就意译了OTL。处女翻给了这篇神作。大家轻拍~欢迎捉虫二楼放授权。其实是从前辈的楼里复制来的，因为原作者貌似已经开放了这篇文的翻译授权。
Sorrow's my body on the waves 悲伤是我随波逐流的躯壳Sorrow's a girl inside my cave 悲伤是我心灵幽穴中的少女I live in a city sorrow built 我居住在哀痛所筑之城It's in my honey, it's in my milk它在我的蜂蜜里，它在我的牛奶中Don't leave my half a heart alone on the water 不要把我的半颗心抛弃在水中随波逐流Cover me in rag and bone sympathy 只需用褴褛的衣衫覆盖我，将同情剔去Cause I don't want to get over you.因为我不想与你离弃-The National国家乐队I sit and I hear the words. I am numb.我坐着，听着那些话。 麻木。Inoperable. Deep. Intracranial pressure. Terribly sorry. Options. Arrangements.无药可救。深度。颅内压。非常抱歉。选择。安排后事。Sherlock sits next to me, legs crossed. He is calm. "How long do I have?" is all he asks.Sherlock坐在我旁边，双腿交叉。他很平静，只是问 “我还有多长时间？”The neurosurgeon is a classmate of mine from Bart's. He's a good man. He is looking at me with sympathy, presuming what they all do. I don't mind so much. "A month. At the outside."那个神经外科医生是我曾经在巴茨医院的同学，是个不错的人。他同情地看着我，似乎这是他唯一能做的——我并不在意这个。“一个月，最多。”I have more questions but Sherlock is on his feet. "Thank you, Doctor. Come, John." And he is out of the room. I start to follow.我还有许多问题，但是Sherlock已经起身离开。“谢谢你，医生。走吧，John。”这时他已经在屋外了，我只能跟上他。"John – I'm so sorry," says my old friend. "We can make him comfortable."“John……我很抱歉，”我的老友这么说道，“至少我们可以让他最后的时光度过地安逸一些。”I laugh. I'm surprised to hear it come out of my mouth. "He's never been comfortable in his life. No need to start now."我笑出声来，惊讶于自己还能发出这样的声音。“他的这一生从未安逸过，也没有现在开始的必要。” We say nothing on the cab ride home. I am staring out the window. Look at that. Look at the world, still turning. I feel like I've fallen off. 回家的出租车上，我们一直沉默。我凝视窗外。看它。看这世界，依然在运转。我却觉得已经坠落深渊。Sherlock's fingers drum on his knee. He is out of the cab before it's hardly stopped and into the flat, running up the stairs. Then he's into his files. Looking, tossing, stacking. I have no idea what he's doing.Sherlock的手指在膝盖上敲击。他在出租车还没停稳时就跳下车，匆匆穿过一楼，跑上楼梯，然后埋首于他的文件之中。阅读其中的一些，扔掉另一些，分别整理堆放成垛。我完全不明白他在做些什么。I just stand there. "Sherlock." He doesn't respond. "Sherlock!"我只是站在那里。“Sherlock。”他没有回答。“Sherlock！”"I'm not interested in examining my emotional state right now, John, which is clearly your object."“对于你的目的——显而易见——检查我的心理状态，我并没有兴趣，John。”"Then how about your physical state?"“那么你的生理状况如何？”He snorts. "Given what I've just been told, what could possibly matter now?"他轻蔑地哼了一声。“医生已经说得够多了，还有什么好在意的？”"We need to talk about it."“我们需要谈谈。” "About what?" He tossed down a folder and turns to face me. "That I have a month to live?" The words strike me like the deep thump of heavy gunfire, at the base of my spine. "I suspect that it's you who needs to talk about it."“谈什么？”他合上一个文件夹，转过来面对我。“关于我还剩一个月？”这些话仿佛一记来自背后的重击，痛彻骨髓。“我猜真正需要谈论这些的是你。”"Yes, all right, I do. Sherlock…"“没错，好吧，确实如此。Sherlock…”"My only concern is how long I'll be able to continue my work before I am incapacitated."“我唯一关心的是，在完全丧失机能之前，我还有多少时间来继续我的工作。”I'm incredulous. "Your work?"难以置信。“你的工作？“He stops, finally, and faces me. "I depend on you for truth, John. So give me truth now."他总算停下来，面对我。“我信赖你所说的真相，John。所以现在，告诉我真相。”
I take a deep breath. Detach. Float it away like a balloon. Tether it to you so you can draw it back later."Your headaches will get worse. You'll begin to experience aphasia and difficulty speaking. Your balance will be affected, soon you won't be able to walk or stand. Your cognitive processes will be impaired and your vision will begin to go. You'll experience nausea, vertigo, pain and muscle weakness. Eventually you will lose consciousness."我深呼吸。让思绪脱离自身，如同一个气球般漂浮起来。并暗示自己“把它拴在身上，这样待会就可以把它拉回来”。“你的头痛会更加严重。你将开始陷入失语状态，说话会变得非常困难。由于平衡能力受到影响，你不能再行走或站立。你的认知过程将被损害，开始丧失视觉。你会恶心，眩晕，痛苦，以及肌肉衰弱。直到最后，失去意识。”He nods. "You are no doubt aware that the balance problems and aphasia have already started." I nod back. "I have no desire to go through all that, John." He meets my eyes. He looks calm, but I know him as no one else does, perhaps as no one ever has. And I can see right now that Sherlock is scared.他点头。 “你无疑意识到了平衡问题，以及失语症。”我点头。 “我完全不想经历这些，John。”他的眼神与我接触。他看起来很平静，但我比别人都更了解他，或许是永远比任何人都更了解他。所以我能看出来，Sherlock很害怕。"And I can't watch you go through that." Worse than the thought of losing him is the idea of watching his mind deteriorate, vaguely aware that it once was special and amazing but unable to remember how or why. Seeing his boundless energy trapped in a body that will no longer obey his commands, laid low in misery by the foreign growth deep inside his brain.“同样，我不能眼见你忍受这些。”比失去他更糟糕的想法是一点一点看着他的心力衰竭，意识模糊——那曾经充满智慧，惊才绝艳的头脑迟钝到无法记住案件的经过。看着他无限挥洒的精力困顿于一副不再听他命令的躯壳，被他大脑中那异质肿瘤带入低劣的痛苦之中。（这里的“低劣”不太准确，属于个人一厢情愿的翻译）I know what he wants. God help me, it's a relief. "I'll take care of you."我知道他要的是什么。上帝庇佑，这是至少一个安慰。“我会照顾你。”His face softens minutely. "I know you will." Then his granite composure is back. "No injections."他的表情温和下来。“我知道你会的。” 然后他回到了平时的坚定镇静：“不要注射。”I'm momentarily puzzled. "That'd be the simplest way."我有些困惑。“这是最直接的办法。”"I won't have any suspicion cast upon you. It must be believable that I did it myself. Are there pills?"“我对你没有任何怀疑。但这件事必须让人相信是我自己完成的。有药片吗？”"Yes. They'll take a bit longer. Half an hour. But it'll be painless."“有。它会需要多一些时间。半小时。但完全无痛。”"Good. Lay in the pills and we'll take it one day at a time. I will continue to work and you'll tell no one of my condition, understood?"“很好。准备一些药片，我会在某一天用上它们。我将继续工作，而你则不对任何人说起我的身体情况，明白吗？”I understand. I understand that I can't obey this request and he knows that I can't, but that everyone will preserve the gentle fiction that no one knows. "All right."我明白。我明白我不能做到这个要求，他也知道我做不到，但所有人都会竭力维持这个“没有人知道”的美好虚幻。“很好。”"We'll decide when it's time. Whoever wishes to see me, I suppose I ought to allow it, but I will spend the last day alone."“我们会决定那个日子。我应该会接待所有想要见我的人——无论是谁。但我会独自度过最后一天。”My throat tightens. "Alone?"我的喉咙收紧。“独自？”"Yes. So I hope you'll be able to beg off the surgery that day. It'll be short notice."“是的。所以我希望你能够帮我推掉当天的手术。这可能会引起一些注意——不会太久。”Relief swamps me. "Ah. I'm sure they'll understand."宽慰笼罩了我。“我想他们一定能够理解。”He hears something in my voice and takes a step closer. "John. When I said 'alone' what I meant was…" He clears his throat. "Well. I hope that's acceptable to you."他听到了我的话，靠近一步。“John。当我说‘独自’的时候，我的意思是……”他清了清喉咙。“我希望你可以接受。”Acceptable. My best friend has just informed me that he'd like to spend his last day on earth alone with me. There is no part of that which is acceptable.可以接受？我最好的友人刚刚告知，他愿与我共同度过最后的时光。这根本不是接受与否的问题。My mind has not yet touched the reality that he is leaving. I can barely remember life without him in it. He's slyly inserted himself into all my memories, as if he'd been there all along. He's there in Afghanistan, sitting on the next cot, commenting on the other men, bothering me when I'm trying to stitch someone up. 我的理智仍然没有触及这个现实——他将离开。我只能勉强回忆没有他的生活。他狡猾地把自己嵌入了我所有的记忆，似乎他一直在那里。他在阿富汗，坐在旁边的行军床上高谈阔论，在我试图缝合某人伤口的时候打搅我。
He's at Bart's, interrupting my study time to drag me over to the morgue, stealing my textbooks and marking them up in red pen when he finds errors. He's at school with me, at home, in the park I played in as a child.他在巴茨医院，打断我的学习时光，把我拖进太平间。他偷走我的课本，还用红笔在他发现错误的地方做上标记。他的身影出现在我的学校，我的家，我小时候玩耍的公园。I stand in our living room and watch him go back to his files. At some point over the past two years he and I have become a hybrid. Sherlock-and-John. The graft has been so complete that even when we're separated, for days or weeks as has occasionally occurred, I still feel the invisible seam that joins me to him. 我站在客厅，看着他再次埋首于文件堆中。某些意义上，在这过去的两年我和他成为了某种混合体。Sherlock-和-John。这种嫁接是如此的彻底，甚至在我们由于偶然的突发事件分开几天或几周之时，我仍感觉有看不见的接缝存在——似乎并未分离。
For a moment, I'm angry. Because he won't be the one who'll have to cut away half of himself and go back to being a singular entity. John-and-[redacted]. The seam will remain, though. I will bear the scar down my center to remind me of what I've lost.有一瞬间，我开始愤怒。因为他不会是那个不得不斩断自身的一半，然后回到单独存在中的那个人。John-和-【键入】。尽管如此，裂痕会留下来。我将承担那道心中的疤痕——以提醒我曾经失去过什么。We introduce each other as flatmates. What we really mean is that we're friends. People sometimes assume that we're lovers. None are accurate descriptions. I'm not sure the English language has a word for what we are. Harry once called us "hetero life partners." Sherlock liked that. It made him laugh. I don't know if that covers it, either. We're just – well, we're just us.我们介绍自己时称对方为室友。我们的意思是——挚友。人们有时猜测我们是恋人。其中没有一个是真正准确的形容。我不确定英语中是否有这样一个单词能够形容我们的关系。Harry有次称我们为“异性恋生活伴侣” Sherlock被逗笑了，他喜欢这种说法。我也不确定它是否足以描述我们。我们只是……好吧，我们只是我们。All I know is that there is a deep pit in my chest and it's yawning wide and hollow and in a minute it's going to swallow me and I can't let him see that. "I need to go out for awhile," I say. My guilt at leaving him alone given the news he's just been given is mitigated by the knowledge that he'd rather be alone than have to deal with me expressing any emotion.我只知道我的胸腔出现了一个缺口，它迅速蔓延，张裂，破碎成的空洞，即将把我吞噬……我决不能让Sherlock看见它。 “我得出去走走。”我说。对于将刚刚被告知那个消息的Sherlock独自留在房间的负罪感，由于我对他的了解而减轻了一些——他大概宁愿独自一人也不想表达出什么情感来应付我。He just gives me a terse nod. "See you later."他只是点头示意。“待会见。”I turn and clatter down the stairs. My stomach is cramping. I have to hold onto the wall for a moment. I make it outside and hail a cab.我转身，跌跌撞撞地走下楼梯。我的胃似乎被猛地拧紧，不得不撑住墙以缓解片刻的痛苦……忍受着胃部的不适，我叫了一辆出租车。I keep it together until I get to Sarah's. Yet another relationship in my life that defies categorization. Girlfriend? No. Friend? Yes, but more. Shag buddy? On occasion. 我的情况依旧没有好转，直到到达Sarah的家。这是另一段难以分类的关系。女友？不是。朋友？没错，但不够。性伴侣？某些时候。
These terms might apply, except she's been more privy to what I go through with Sherlock than anyone. She knows about the seam. It's made us unable to have what we started out hoping for, but yet unable to retreat into a safe zone of friendship. So we hover here in the land of undefined. She dates other people. I just have Sherlock.这些说法应当适用，除了她比任何人都明白我和Sherlock经历过些什么。Sarah知道我们之间的羁绊。她不可能成为刚开始所期盼的女友，却也不能让我和她退到友谊的安全区域。因而我们一直在这段无法定义的模糊地带中犹豫徘徊着。她与别人约会，而我只有Sherlock。She sees my face and pulls me inside. "What's happened?"她看见了我的脸色，把我拉进屋里。“怎么了？”I'm shaking. "Sherlock."我颤抖着说道：“Sherlock。”"What's he done now?"“他这次又干什么了？”"He's gone and gotten himself a bloody brain tumor."“他快死了——他在自己脑子里塞了一个该死的肿瘤。”She holds me while I have an honest-to-God sobbing breakdown of the sort that I probably ought to be embarrassed about, but somehow living with Sherlock's perpetual detachment has left me remarkably unselfconscious about whatever it is that I feel myself. I've become an avatar for his humanity. I must express all the emotion that he suppresses, so I end up doing double duty.在我该死的啜泣的过程中（向上帝发誓我确实这么做了），她抱住了我。我或许本应对此感到羞愧，但是不知为何，Sherlock的永久离开带给了我对于自我情感的毫不遮掩。我成为了他人性的化身。我得替他表露压抑的情感——双重职责。I tell her about the pills I need, and about Sherlock's plan. I half-expect her to object, but she just nods and offers her assistance.我告诉了她所需要的药片，以及Sherlock的计划。我潜意识里有些期待她会反对，但她只是点头，并主动提供力所能及的援助。"How long do you think it'll be before he's – had enough?" she asks, quietly.“你觉得在他的认为‘足够’之前……还剩多久？”I am holding a cold washcloth over my swollen face. I can't go home looking like this. "I don't think more than a couple of weeks. It's going so bloody fast, Sarah. I first noticed he was having headaches just last week, for fuck's sake." I hear my voice cracking.我正在用冷毛巾敷着红肿的脸颊。我不能就这样回家。“我想不会超过两个星期，它该死地来得太快了，Sarah。我第一次注意到他的头痛不过是在上周……他妈的。”我听见我断断续续的声音。Sarah smooths the hair back from my temple. "I'm so sorry, John."Sarah把头发捋回鬓角，“我真遗憾听到这些，John。”"It isn't fair. Why him?"“这不公平。凭什么是他？”"Why anyone?"“凭什么是别人？”"But he's – we need him. People don't know what he does, how much he does." I scrub at my face with the damp cloth and let my head fall back to the couch. "I've got to get back. I need time off work. He shouldn't be alone. He may need medical help at any time."“可是他……我们需要他。人们都不知道他做了什么，他做了多少。”我用力擦拭了一把脸颊，让自己靠回沙发椅上。“我得回去了，我需要时间去工作。他不该独自一人。他随时有可能需要医疗帮助。”She shakes her head. "Of course. But that isn't why." I just look at her. "It's okay to admit it."她点头。“当然。但这不是真正的原因。” 我只是看着她。 “承认吧。”"What?"“承认什么？”"That you want to spend as much time with him as possible before the end."“承认你只是想要尽可能抓紧一切时间与他相处，在结束之前。”My lip trembles again. The end. The end of him. God, it can't be true."I thought there was all the time in the world."我的嘴唇再次颤抖起来。结束。他的结束。上帝，这不是真的。“对于我而言，这就是世界上一切的时间了。”Sarah hugs me again and I cry some more. I feel silly but it's best to get it out now. I can't do this in front of Sherlock.Sarah再次拥抱了我，而我又一次落泪。我感到自己很傻，但是最好让它们在这里倾泻。我绝不能在Sherlock眼前这么做。And she's right. As soon as I'm back home, I won't be leaving his side again.她是对的。当我回到家的那一刻，我决定再也不离开他的身边。He works. I don't go to the surgery. We take case after case. He doesn't sleep, so neither do I. I catch quick naps when he's taking a bath, or when he's busy with something I can't help him with.他在工作。而我推掉了所有手术。我们解决一个又一个的案子。他彻夜不眠，我也如此——只有在他洗澡，或者忙于一些我帮不上忙的事情时才会短暂地打个盹。I take Lestrade aside and quietly explain the situation. He looks stricken, but he pulls it together quickly. I promise to let him know when the decision is made. I do the same for Angelo. I know that he'll spread the word.我把Lestrade叫到一旁，轻声解释了现在的状况。他看起来很受打击，但很快恢复了过来。我允诺当Sherlock作出决定的时候会通知他。我对Angelo说了同样的话，我知道他会把这件事传播出去。
为什么是水上的孤独QAQ？ 还是感觉原译本水中之寂更有感觉。
Sherlock is adamant that we not tell Mrs. Hudson. For once, I agree. If we do, we'll never keep her out from underfoot. We'll wait until it can't be put off any longer.Sherlock坚持不把这件事告诉Hudson太太。只有这一次，我同意了——如果我们告诉她，最后一天就不可能把她支开。直到不可能再拖延为止，Hudson太太才会知道这件事。Sarah brings me the pills. Two pills, white and smooth. I keep them on me at all times. He will not take them without my assistance, and it'd be like him to grow frustrated and just say to hell with it, swallow them down in a fit of pique, and the notion of coming back from the shops and finding him – well. I keep the pills on my person.Sarah带来了那些药片。两个，白色的，表面光滑。我一直带着它们。没有我的允许，Sherlock不可能拿到它。这听起来是他做得出的事——遭到挫败，只是说“见鬼”，然后吞下它们。而直到我从商店回来，才会发现他——好吧，我一定会随身保管。For a few days he seems no worse. Then, that tightness in his face that signals a headache stops going away with the painkillers I give him. He stumbles now and then. I stand closer to him when we're out at crime scenes.。刚开始的几天他看起来没什么问题。接着，他的脸颊紧绷，征兆着头痛已经不再受控于我给他的止疼片。他有时无法正常行走，因而在犯罪现场，我总是站得离他特别近。One week after his diagnosis, I find him throwing up in the bathroom. He is pale and sweaty. I give him some compazine and it seems to help.得知诊断结果后的一周，我发现了他在洗手间呕吐，浑身冒汗，脸色苍白。我给了他一些康帕嗪 ，看起来挺有效。That day he has his first significant aphasia episode. He stands there ready to lay it out, and suddenly the words won't come. I see his jaw working, his eyes, his mind ready to show us how the clues fit together, and words won't come to him. He looks up at me with panic behind his eyes, just barely visible behind the veil that always cloaks Sherlock's emotional state, the veil that normally only I see behind, and then only rarely. "John," he stammers.那天他的失语症首次发作。他站在那里，准备开始演绎，却突然说不出话来。我看见他的下巴，他的眼睛，他的大脑都在工作着，准备好了向我们展示线索是如何契合在一起，但却说不出一个字。他看向我，眼神中隐藏着恐惧——绕过像平时那般遮蔽了Sherlock一切感情表达的覆盖物,那些我最常体会的冰冷掩饰，只有一瞬，只有我能看见。 “John，”他结结巴巴。"What's that?" I say, pointing to something, anything not related to what he was about to say.“那是什么？”我指着一个毫不相干的东西问道。He looks away. "It's a late-model Citroen." And he takes a deep breath, comes back and is able to lay out his deduction for us. Sally is frowning. Lestrade sighs and we exchange a quick glance.他看过去。“最新款的雪铁龙。”然后深呼吸，回到了案件之中并完成了他的推理演绎。Sally皱了皱眉。Lestrade叹了口气，我和他快速交换了一个眼神。It's starting. 开始了。I'm coming home from the shops and I meet Mycroft coming down. He looks pale and worn. "Oh, John," he says, mildly. "Sorry I missed you."从商店回家的时候，我碰上了正要离开的Mycroft。他看起来苍白而憔悴。“John，”他轻声说，“抱歉错过了你。”"Then you shouldn't have waited until I went out to come by," I say, irritable. If Mycroft thinks I'm that stupid then he hasn't been paying attention.“你本不用特地等到我出门的时候才来。”我应激过度地回答。我猜Mycroft觉得我很愚蠢，根本不会对我投以半分兴趣。"Sherlock had some business matters to discuss with me."“Sherlock和我有一些事需要讨论。”I nod. "I'd better get upstairs." I don't have time for him right now.我点头。“我该上楼了。”我现在没有时间和他消磨了。Sherlock is sitting in the leather chair, his legs folded under him. He motions me into the other chair. "Sit down, John. There's business. I dislike wasting time on such things, but it seems to be necessary."Sherlock坐在皮椅里，双腿交叠。他示意我坐在另一个椅子上。“坐下，John。有一件事。我不愿意把时间浪费在这些事情上，但它是必要的。”I sit down. "What is it?"我坐下。“那是什么？”He holds out some paperwork. I recognize it. It's a durable power of attorney agreement. "In the event that our plans go awry," he said. "Should I collapse or have a dramatic downturn, you'll be empowered to make medical decisions for me."他拿出一些纸质文件。我见过它，这是一份持久授权书。“如果我们的计划失败，”他说，“我的身体状况崩溃或急速恶化，你有权为我做出医疗决定。”I would have thought that I'd have some feeling about this, but I don't. It's as he says. Just business. The business of dying. I sign the papers. "There."我原以为我会对此有什么情绪，但我没有。就像他说的那样，只是一件事，在死亡面前必须完成的事。我签署了那些文件。“行了。”He's frowning. "I didn't expect you to be so – equitable."他皱眉“我没有预料到你的行为会如此……合情合理。”"We won't need it. You'll do this on your terms."“我们不会需要它的。你会根据自己的意愿来做这件事。”"I hope you're right." He clears his throat. "I've updated my will. You get everything, except a few items of family sentiment that will go to Mycroft. Feel free to distribute anything of mine to any acquaintances as you see fit." “我希望你是对的，”他清了清喉咙。“我已经交代了我的遗嘱。你获得一切。除了一些富有家庭气息的东西留给Mycroft。随便你想把什么东西分给谁，你觉得合适就行。I sigh. "I don't want what was yours, Sherlock."我叹气。“我不想要你的东西，Sherlock。”"Then burn it all," he says, an edge coming into his voice. "What difference does it make? Everything of mine is yours anyway, none of it matters, and I won't know what's done with my possessions either way, so take what you like of me and put out the rest for the dustmen."“那就全部烧掉，”他尖锐地说。“有什么不同？我的一切都是你的，这都没什么重要的，我也不想知道我的东西会怎么样，所以拿走你想要的，剩下留给清洁工。”I just look at him. He looks back. I am deafened by the noise of all that we're not saying.我只是看着他，他看回。我被嘈杂的思绪淹没了……被那些我们都未说出口的话。Two days later Sherlock stumbles twice and nearly falls. The second time I guide him to a nearby bench and sit him down. He has been very quiet this day.两天以后，Sherlock两次失足，差点跌倒。到了第二次，我将他搀到一旁的长椅上，让他坐下。那一整天他都十分安静。"I can't see out of my right eye, John," he whispers. I can hear a tremor in his voice. "It went away about half an hour ago."“我的右眼看不见了，John，”他低声说。我能听出他声音的颤抖。“视觉大概在半小时前消失。”I just nod. "We should go home."我只是点头。“我们得回家。”"This case is almost done. Let's finish it." He looks at me, pleading.“这个案子马上就可以结束了。让我完成它。”他请求地看着我。"I wish I could stop this," I whisper.“真希望我能阻止……”我喃喃。He reaches out and grabs my hand. I grip it tightly. I profoundly do not care if anyone gets the wrong idea.他伸出手试图握住我的。我紧紧地把它握住——此刻，我完全不在意有没有人误解我们。We finish the case. Sherlock hangs on to me as we climb the stairs to our flat. His balance has gotten alarmingly worse just in the last day.我们完成了那个案子。在家里的楼梯上，Sherlock一直紧紧抓着我。他的平衡感以可怕的速度衰退，只是在那一天。I sit him down and take his blood pressure. It's high. His pulse is racing. He has a temperature. His pupil response is uneven. He can read the results on my face. I start to get up and he holds me back. "John," he says, and I know what's coming.我帮他坐下，为他量血压。很高。他的脉搏急促，他发烧了。瞳孔响应不稳——他从我脸上读到了结果。我起身而他阻止。“John，”他说，我意识到了即将发生什么。"Not yet," I murmur.“还没到……”我轻声说。"It's time."“时间到了。”I meet his eyes. "Please, Sherlock."我看着他的眼睛。“别，Sherlock，求你。”"It's Wednesday, isn't it?"“今天是周三，是吗？”"Yes."“是。”
感觉还是习惯水中之寂或者水上之寂.......不过楼主很有新意！加油！这里表示支持！
Sherlock nods. "I suppose that'll have to do."Sherlock点头。“我想只能这么做了。”"I'll take the risk, Sherlock." Good Lord, I've thrown myself in front of bombs and bullets and rampaging Vikings for this man, now he's worried about the risk to me?“我会承担风险，Sherlock。”上帝啊，我因为这个人曾经面对爆炸，子弹以及暴怒的维京海盗，现在他竟然在担心我的危险？"No," he says, sharply. "I won't have you risk anything."“不，”他明确地说，“我不会让你冒任何风险。”"Look," Lestrade says, "I'm about 98% that I can quash any kind of investigation. It's illegal, yeah, but in cases like this – most of us would just as soon look the other way, anyhow."“听着，”Lestrade说，“我大概有98%的几率能够平息任何此类的调查。这是非法的，确实，但是在这种情况下——大部分人宁愿装作没有这回事，无论如何。”Sherlock doesn't look satisfied by this. "I want your assurance that John won't come under any suspicion."Sherlock看起来并不满意这样的结果，“我要你保证John不会受到任何形式的怀疑。”Lestrade nods. "You have it, to the best of my ability." He gives us a slantwise smile. "Mind if I run a few things by you?"Lestrade点头。“我保证，我会尽我所能。”他向我们扬了扬嘴角。“介意我再打扰你们一会吗？”Sherlock perks up. "By all means."Sherlock打起精神。“当然不。”Lestrade spends the next half hour outlining clues, circumstances, situations, and taking down Sherlock's thoughts. I sit on the arm of Sherlock's chair, interjecting when warranted, mostly just listening to the sound of his voice. Lestrade花了半个小时梳理线索，细节，案情，然后记下Sherlock的想法。我坐在Sherlock椅子的扶手上，必要时插几句，大多数时候只是听着他的声音。
At one point I look down to see that Sherlock is holding onto my jumper, just a slight pinch of my sleeve between two fingers on his right hand, as if he's just reassuring himself that I'm there – or perhaps that he's still here.某一刻我低下头看他的时候，发现Sherlock正抓着我的毛衣，只是袖子上的一点点布料，在他右手的指间，好像他只是想确认我还在这儿——或者是确认他还在这儿。I pick up from contextual clues that many of the cases Lestrade is mentioning are very cold ones. Years back, even decades. I realize that it's his last chance. It's Sherlock's, too. I wonder if it's going to be harder for him to leave life, or leave his work. Is there any distinction between the two in his mind?我从这些线索脉络中可以看出，Lestrade提起的大多数案子都是非常久远的。几年甚至十几年之前。我意识到这是他的最后机会了。这也是Sherlock的最后机会。我甚至想知道对于他来说，是放弃生命更困难一些，还是放弃工作。不过在他心里，这两者有什么区别吗？We're expecting Mycroft at ten. Sarah slips in at nine thirty. I'm surprised to see her. "Didn't you know?" she says. "He texted me. Asked me to come."我们预计Mycroft会在十点到。Sarah却在九点半出现了。我很惊讶看到她。“你不知道？”她说。“他给我发短信，让我过来。”I'm puzzled. She and Sherlock haven't had the most amicable of associations. I've had moments when I felt like the flag at the center of the tug-of-war rope. My few male acquaintances always ragged on me because Sherlock inevitably won. They didn't understand. Sherlock always wins. He's like a celestial body with his own gravity well, trapping me in orbit.我有些困惑。她和Sherlock从未友好到如此地步。有一瞬间我感觉自己像是拔河时绳中间的那面旗帜。我仅有的同性朋友总是嘲笑我，因为在这场拔河中Sherlock自然会取得胜利。他们不懂。Sherlock总是赢。他就像一颗星球，完美地凭借自身的引力，把我捕捉到轨道上。Sarah comes upstairs with me. Sherlock brightens to see her, and beckons her to come sit with him. He looks at me pointedly. "John, could I have some tea, please?"Sarah和我一起上楼。Sherlock看到她的时候很高兴，示意她挨着他坐下。他的目光指向我。“John，能给我倒些茶吗？”I nod. He wants to talk to her alone.我点头。他要单独和她说些什么。I linger in the kitchen, peeking out at them, their heads close together, talking intently. They don't talk for long, though. She stands up and I see her squeeze his hand. I pass Sherlock his tea and walk her to the door.我在厨房里逗留许久，有时瞥他们一眼，他们的头亲密地靠在一起，热切地交谈着。尽管如此，这场谈话没有持续太久。她站起来，我看见她握着他的手。我把茶递给Sherlock，和她一起走出门外。When she turns around there are tears in her eyes. She hugs me tightly. "What did he want?" I ask.她转身，眼里噙着泪水，紧紧拥抱我。“他说了什么？”我问。"What do you think?" She pulls back. "He wanted me to look after you. He said, 'John will take it hard.' Wanted me to see that you eat and sleep. Right after, you know."“你认为呢？”她松开我。“他让我照顾你。他说‘John会因为这件事很难过。’让我照看你的饮食起居。那之后，你知道的。”"Hmm. Someone's certainly sure of his importance." I go for levity and it falls extremely flat.“嗯。某人很清楚自己的重要性啊。”我故作轻松，看起来却完全失败了。"I think it's more that someone's got no more time for pretenses," she said. She meets my eyes. "John, you must do what you think is right. I can't tell you how to feel. I can't tell you what's true. I can tell you that he's dying and you're all he's thinking of."“我想这更可能是某人没时间找借口了。”她说。她看着我的眼睛，“John，你必须去做你认为对的事情。我不能告诉你如何感受。我不能告诉你什么是对的。但我能告诉你他快死了，而你是他唯一在乎的。”I'm speechless.我无言以对。Sarah leaves and for a few minutes, we're alone. "Are you tired?" I ask, sitting across from him, our knees almost touching.Sarah离开了，而有短短几分钟，我们是独处的。“你感觉累吗？”我问。我坐在他对面，我们的膝盖几乎互相碰触。"I'm all right."“我很好。”I take a deep breath. "Sherlock, I have to ask one more time. Are you sure about your mother?"我深呼吸。“Sherlock，我必须再问你一次。关于你母亲的事，你确定这么做？”He meets my eyes. "I'm sure."他直视我的眼睛。“我确定。”He and Mycroft have decided that she isn't to be told until it's over. Sherlock's thinking is that it will be less cruel, less painful to her not to know anything until it's done. I think it's more cruel to deny her the chance to say goodbye. But on this point they are firm and in agreement as they rarely are about anything. 他和Mycroft决定不告诉她这件事，直到一切结束。Sherlock的想法是，什么都不知道直到一切结束，对于她会没有那么残忍和痛苦。我觉得剥夺她告别的机会更加残忍。但在这一点上，他们非常坚定，并且达成了一致——这在平时是很少见的。 I make one last-ditch effort. I'm rather fond of Sherlock's mother, and I have a feeling she'll never forgive me for this. Not just for not telling her, but for having a whole day with him when she got nothing. "She ought to have the chance that all these other people are getting," I say.我做了一次最后的尝试。我对Sherlock的母亲挺有好感，而且我一直觉得，对于这件事，她永远不会原谅我。不只是没有告知她，还有在他弥留之际整天地陪伴他，而她却什么也不知道。“她理应拥有和别人同等的机会。”"Mummy despises goodbyes, she's crap at them. She wouldn't know what to do. No, it's better this way. And it isn't just for her," Sherlock says now. His head is weaving a bit. Painkillers. He meets my eyes. "I can't, John. I can't do it. I can't look in her eyes and do this."“妈妈不喜欢告别。她不擅长做这件事。她甚至不知道该做什么。不，还是这样比较好。而且这不只是为了她。”他轻轻晃头（waving，原文可能误作weaving 意为编织）。止痛药。他的目光对上我的。“我不能，John。我做不到。我不能看着她的眼睛做那件事。”
—————————————暂封——————————————下一更视情况而定。可能凌晨会有更新。楼上~换译名一方面是为了提醒翻译版本不同，一方面是想尝试一些新做法。现在开始随意插楼！上面插楼的……注意一下吧，我就不删了。最后表示新人求GD！
小时候和邻家小妹一起玩的游戏
【原楼已删。】水中之寂。这是绝对虐心但又绝对美丽的一篇。马一记。【点赞。
没回复没动力……看文的各位先马再看啊！
别沉 虽然做这个翻译自得其乐，但是自hi还是不如一起hi啊
楼主继续啊。停在这里，巴赫都要爬起来续完了。这文实在虐，第三颗星的福华版啊。
放英文这点很赞!不过对于角色死亡之类的文，实在没有抵抗力啊~
啊。。。。好多的样子=_=
顶〜
I stare down at his slack face. I can't seem to look away. I can't think about the fact that in twenty-four hours I will never see this face again. It is all strange angles and hollows and unearthly pallor, made worse by his condition.我垂下眼，凝视他松懈下来的表情。我无法移开目光，无法想象二十四小时以后会发生的事。我再也不能看见他了。病痛让他的脸颊清瘦——所有突出，凹陷，病态的苍白，都令人陌生。I don't sleep. I just watch him. I watch the rise and fall of his chest with his breath and I can't stop imagining the moment that I am soon to witness, and I catch the merest glimpse of the pain that is in store for me later. I can't allow myself to feel it now. I have to be present for him, for these last hours, I have to push it far from me until it's over, but I know. I know what I am in for.我没有睡觉。我只是望着他。望着他胸腔随着呼吸一起一伏。我无法控制自己不去想自己即将见证的那一刻。我已经能模糊地感受到接下来等待着我的痛苦。但我现在不能允许自己现在接触到它——我得和他在一起。为了这最后的时光，我必须把这些都从我的脑子里远远地驱逐出去，但我知道。我知道自己总得承受。I hate the universe. I hate whatever forces govern it, be they deities or fates or the tides of randomness. Whoever or whatever they are, I hate them for bringing me into his orbit. I hate Mike Stamford for introducing us. I hate whoever it was who shot me and brought me home from Afghanistan. 我痛恨一切。我痛恨操纵这一切的力量——不论它是什么，神明或者命运或者随机性的潮流。不管是谁或者是什么，我恨它们把我推到了他的生命轨迹上。我恨引见我们的Mike Stamford。我恨那个向我射击，让我被从阿富汗送回国的人——不论他是谁。
I hate Britain for the size of my pension that made me need a flatshare. I hate this flat for being charming enough that I didn't turn round and leave the first I saw it. I hate him for being interesting and drawing me in so thoroughly that I didn't say to hell with you, and find a boring flatmate.我恨英国政府发放的津贴数额让我需要合租。我恨这栋可爱的楼房让我在看见它的第一眼没有转身离开。我恨他吸引人的冒险，却又如此彻底地收回一切，让我完全无法让他（原文中为“你”）滚开，再找一个无聊的室友。A boring flatmate. Do such things exist? Could I have had one? What would my life have looked like these past two years if I had? I don't know if I would trade life with Sherlock for anything.一个无聊的室友。这种事物真的存在吗？我曾经有过吗？如果我真的有一个，那么过去的两年我的生活又会是什么样的呢？我不知道是否有任何事物能够替代我和Sherlock的这段生活。Even if it meant that my heart wouldn't be breaking now.即使这意味着我现在不必忍受锥心之痛。He seems better in the morning. A temporary reprieve, but well-timed. We don't rush. Today is the day. His last day.早上他看起来好了很多。暂时的缓解——不过正是时候。我们不着急。今天是那个日子。他的最后一天。"What do you want to do?" I ask. The idea of choosing how to spend one's last day on earth is so horrifyingly complex that I'm sure it would paralyze me, but I'm equally sure that he has a plan.“你想做什么？”我问。如何度过在这个世界上的最后一天——这实在是个复杂到可怕的问题，我十分肯定它能让我的大脑麻痹空白，但我同样确定他有自己的计划。He is looking out the window, fully dressed, and for just a moment, it's as if nothing's happened. All is well.他正看向窗外，穿着打扮一丝不苟，有那么一瞬间，就像什么都没发生过似的。一切都很好。I hate everything.我恨这一切。"I'd like to go out," he says.“我想出去走走。”他说。"Out? Where?" I feel that jealous pull again. I need this time, damn it all. Where does he want to go?“出去？去哪？”我感到了一丝嫉妒。我需要这些时间，该死的所有时间！他要去哪儿？"Out. Into the city."“外面。在城市里。”Oh. That might be all right. "Take a tour around? Your favorite spots?"哦，听起来还不错。“在四周走走？去你最喜欢的地方？”"Just so." He turns from the window. "There are three things in the world I really care about, so I'd like to use this time to say goodbye to each. The first is my work. I took care of that last night. The second is this city. So let's do that now."“就像这样。”他转身，把视线从窗上移开。“这世界上我最在乎的事物有三件，所以我想用这些时间对每一件告别。第一件是我的工作，在昨晚已经结束。第二件是这个城市，我们现在就去吧。”I know the answer but I have to ask. Damn my insecurity. "What's the third?"我心里知道答案，但仍然非得亲口问一次不可。因为我见鬼的缺乏安全感。“第三个呢？“He looks at me, vaguely scolding. "John. Surely you don't need me to tell you that."他看着我，含糊地责备。“John。显然你不需要我说出口。”We head out. We take cabs so as not to tire him. We go to Trafalgar Square. Hyde Park. We walk in silence. Sherlock's balance is tolerable, but he holds onto my arm. He looks around, taking everything in.我们出了门，乘上出租车这样他就不会过于劳累。我们去了特拉法尔加广场。海德公园。我们默默行走。Sherlock的平衡能力还能支持，不过还是扶着我的胳膊。他环顾四周，似乎要把一切都镌刻到眼里。We stop to rest on a bench by the river. I go to the railing and look down at the water. "Are we going to talk about it?" I finally say.我们停下来，在一条小河边的长椅上稍事休憩。我走到围栏边，俯视静静流淌的河水。“我们要谈谈那件事吗？”我终于说出口。"About what?"“谈什么？”
@の叶汪汪の
沙发？还是 插？
话说这原文是哪的咧？写得很好咧，楼主翻得也很好咧
赞一个~楼楼加油！
I laugh, derisive. As if there's another topic on hand. "The fact that you're going to die tonight."我露出嘲弄的笑容。就像谈论的是另一个完全无关的话题。“事实上你今晚就要死了。”"What's to say?"“有什么好谈的？”"A great deal! Sherlock – I'm…I don't…"“多得是！Sherlock——我，我不能……”He grabs my sleeve and pulls me back to sit on the bench. "I've made my peace with it." He meets my eyes. "I never expected to live a long life, John. Always thought I'd meet my end at an early age. Never thought it'd be like this, though. 他扯住我的袖子，把我拉回长椅上坐着。“我以平和之心对待这件事，John。我一直认为自己的生命会在早年走向尽头。但没有想到会以这种形式。” Thought I'd be shot, or blown up. Thought at the very least I'd take someone with me, someone the world needed gone. The idea never troubled me. It's only of late that the idea of leaving this life began to be – distressing."“我以为自己会死于枪弹或爆炸。以为自己至少能和某个穷凶极恶的罪犯同归于尽。这些念头从未困扰我。直到最近，离开这世界的想法才变得有些——令人苦恼。”"Why?"“为什么？”"I never had anyone to leave behind. Anyone who'd miss me." He looks at me again and there is something raw behind his eyes. "Will you miss me, John?"“我从未有过可以抛在身后的人。任何一个会思念我的人。”他再次看向我，眼神中似乎藏着一些陌生的情绪。“你会思念我吗，John？”My throat feels pinhole-thin. I swallow hard. "Till the end of my days, Sherlock."我的喉咙似乎像针孔一般狭窄。我艰难地吞咽。“直到我生命结束的那天，Sherlock。”The flat is quiet. We stop in to see Mrs. Hudson. She's keeping her composure. She hugs Sherlock again, then me.公寓十分安静。我们驻步看望Hudson太太。她表现得很镇定。她又拥抱了Sherlock一次，然后是我。We go upstairs. I shut the door behind us. Night has fallen and I'm adrift. I don't know what to do, or if there's a plan. He sits in his chair. I hover nearby. He looks up at me. "Will you get the pills, John?"我们走到楼上。我关上了身后的门。夜幕降临，而我彷徨飘零。我不知道该做什么，甚至不知道是否有一个计划。他坐在他的椅子里，我在他旁边周围徘徊。他抬头看向我。“把你的药片给我吧，John？”My heart turns to ice and my stomach drops. "Now? But…now?"我的心骤然冰冷，胃部似乎下坠似的抽痛。“现在？可是……现在？”His voice is gentle. "What's the point of delay?"他的声音很温和。“延迟一些又能怎么样呢？”"The point? I don't know, I just – does it have to be now?"“能怎么样？我不知道，我只是——非得是现在吗？”"Let's just get the pills. So we're ready."“服药吧。我们都准备好了。”I go into the kitchen on numb feet and draw a glass of water. The pills are in my pocket. I put them in a small dish and go back into the living room. He is watching me. I sink to the floor in front of his chair, kneeling between his feet. I am holding the glass and the dish but I make no move to hand them to him.我迈着僵硬迟钝的步伐走进厨房，倒了一杯水。药片在我的口袋里。我把它们放到一个小碟子里，然后回到卧室。他一直看着我。我在他的椅子前俯下身子，跪在他双腿间的地板上。我端着杯子和碟子——但是一直没有把它们递给他。He reaches down and takes them from me, but he sets them on the table at his side. He leans forward, hands folded before him. "No, I shouldn't mind dying, John. It's what we all owe. And I'm glad to be able to choose my terms." He pauses and waits until I look up at him. 他弯下腰，从我的手中接过它们，不过把它们放到了一旁的桌子上。他倾向我，双手交叠。“不，我并不在意死亡，John。这是所有人都欠下的一次坠落（这里“坠落”是意译，原文无）。并且我很高兴能够选择自己的期限。”他停顿，直到我的视线重新投向他。 "I don't mind, except…" He swallows hard. "Except for you. I regret whatever pain this will cause you. I don't claim to know its nature. I only know that I have spent some time imagining how I would feel if our places were reversed."“我不在意，除了……”他艰难地吞咽。“除了你。我为这件事可能给你带来的一切痛苦感到抱歉。我不能说自己明白这些天性。我只知道我曾花费了些时间来想象，如果我们的情况颠倒，我会是什么感受。”I am trying to memorize his face. I don't know what I'm going to say until I hear it emerge. "I really thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with you," I say.我尽一切努力记住他的脸。我不知道自己想说什么——直到我听到这些话浮现在耳边。“我曾相信我能和你共度余生。”He smirks a little. "That's all you planned? Rather limited, isn't it?"他微微一笑。“这就是你的所有计划？相当有限，不是吗？”"No, I mean – no matter what else happened, who else I met, or what else I was, before anything else I'd be – this," I say, making a vague motion in the air between us.“不，我的意思是——不论发生了什么，我遇见过谁，我曾经如何，在这一切之前，我会——这样做。”我说，让模糊的气氛在呼吸间蔓延。He nods. "I suppose in some sense, I am fortunate."他点头。“我想从某种意义上说，我很幸运。”"Fortunate? How?"“幸运？怎么会？”"I do get to spend the rest of my life with you."“我确实做到了——与你共度余生。”I am undone.我完了。I feel his hands on my hair as I weep, my forehead resting on his knees. I'm helpless. I have failed. "I'm supposed to keep you safe," I say through my tears. "I can't stop this. I'm sorry I can't fix this."在我哭泣的时候，我能感受到他的手抚摸我的头发，我的额头抵在他的膝盖上。我不知所措。我一败涂地。“我本该保证你的健康。”我泪眼模糊地说。“我没能阻止它。我很抱歉我没能治好它。”"You have fixed it, John. It's because of you that I can go out this way, the way I want." He slips a hand beneath my chin and tips my head up. He holds my face between his hands and rests his forehead against mine. I hang onto his wrists because I have to hang on to something. "I am not a man to make pronouncements or confessions," he says, quietly.“你已经做到了，John。正因为你，我才能选择这种方式离去，这正是我需要的。”他的一只手扶着我的下巴把我的头抬起，双手托着我的脸，与我额头相抵。我紧紧抓住他的手腕，因为我非得抓着什么不可。“我不是一个会去宣告或者忏悔什么的人。”他轻声说。"I don't need any."“你一点都不需要。”"Good. I trust my actions speak well enough."“很好。我相信我的行动足以说明一切。”I nod. He releases me and backs off. He reaches for the dish and the glass. I get out my mobile and send two texts. One to Lestrade, one to Sarah. This is the arrangement. I send the texts when he takes the pills. They will each come to the flat in one hour. Lestrade will come for Sherlock. Sarah will come for me.我点头。他放开我坐回去，拿起碟子和玻璃杯。我掏出手机，发了两条短信。一条给Lestrade，一条给Sarah。这就是所有安排了。我在他服药的时候发出短信。他们各自在一小时内都会感到。Lestrade负责Sherlock。而Sarah负责照顾我。Sherlock meets my eyes once more, then he swallows the pills with a drink of water. He sets the dishes aside with an air of finality.Sherlock又看了我一眼，然后用水送下了药片。他把碟子放在了旁边，以终结的姿态。It's done. Over the next thirty minutes he will drift away.一切都结束了。三十分钟以后他将离开人世。I stand up and his eyes follow me. I reach out for his hand and pull him to his feet. He is looking at me, puzzled. I lead him over to the couch and sit down in the corner. He gets the idea and sits next to me. I keep hold of his hand.我在他的注视下站起来，并拉着他站起。他困惑地看着我。我把他带到那条长沙发椅旁边，在角落里坐下。他明白了过来坐在我身边。我依然握着他的手。He is breathing slowly, deliberately. I want to talk but I don't know what to say, or if it will help either of us. He looks at me. "John…" he begins, and I see the fear in his eyes. "I thought I was ready for this." His voice shakes.他的呼吸平缓而从容。我想说些什么，但不知道怎么开口，也不知道它能不能对我们中的一个产生一点帮助。他看着我。“John……”他开口，而我能看出他眼中的恐惧。“我以为自己已经准备好了。”他的声音有些颤抖。"I'm here, Sherlock."“我在这儿。Sherlock。”"I'm afraid, John." I have never heard his voice so small.“我害怕，John。”我从未听到他的声音如此微弱。Nothing I ever do will ever be this important again.再也没有什么事比我现在做的更重要了。I pull him into my arms and tuck his head down to my shoulder. He is so thin. He folds into an unbelievably small space, my arms can encircle him completely. He grasps a handful of my jumper and lets out a shaky breath. "Just relax," I whisper.我把他拉到怀里，让他的头能够倚靠在我的肩膀上。他是这么瘦，占据的空间小得令人难以置信。我用胳膊把他整个圈起来，让他恰好能窝在我的怀抱里。他抓住我毛衣的一角，虚弱地呼出一口气。“放松就好。”我耳语。"I don't want to leave you."“我不想离开你。”"I don't want you to go."“我不想让你离开。”
We are skating near the edge. Dull horror floods me. I desperately don't want to hear it. Just as desperately, I don't want to say it. Right now, I am losing my best friend, and that is bad enough. I don't know if I could stand to lose more. I cannot look at the future that we're now being denied and admit that we could have had anything other than the friendship I already know. If I look down that road which is now closed and see something else there, always glimpsed but never reached for, never acknowledged, it might really break me for good.我们在悬崖边徘徊。迟滞的恐惧将我湮没。我绝望地试图摆脱那些声音。也由于绝望，我不愿多谈论什么。现在，我正在失去我的挚友——这已经够坏了。我不知道我能不能承受失去更多。我不敢想象可能有这样的一天，我们现在否认的那些得到承认，我们间的关系比友情多了许多其他的事物。我往后看，那条现在已经关闭的道路，我在那里看到了一些别的，能够模糊瞥见却又遥不可及的，永不得到承认的东西，它足以把我压垮，永远。But this isn't about me. If he needs it, then it'll be said. And God help me.但这不只是我的事。如果他需要，他会说的。上帝保佑我。I feel his limbs loosening. "John," he says, and the word is slurred. "Need to see you."我感到他的身体逐渐放松。“John，”他说，声音含混不清。 “让我看着你。”I shift him around in my arms until we're face to face. His eyelids are slack. He is shaking. "Sherlock, just look at me. Don't think. Don't try to hang on. You just look at me, okay?"我让他在我怀里挪动身体，直到我们四目相对。他半闭着眼睛。他在颤抖。“Sherlock，只是看着我就好。不用思考，别勉强自己，你只需要看着我，好吗？”He does. His eyes flick over my face like he's trying to do what I was doing earlier, and memorize me. I know that I won't be spared, because he hasn't been.他照我说的做了。他睁开眼睛注视我的脸，就像在做我早些时候做过的那件事——记住我。我知道我在劫难逃，因为他也一样。I kiss his lips, gently. I feel the tension sag away from him and his hand on my face. I hold him close, our foreheads together again. His eyelids are flickering now. He kisses me back, straining like it's taking the last of his strength. His hands clench in my jumper and his eyes blaze as he looks at me. "I want you to be the last thing I see," he rasps.我轻轻地吻了他的嘴唇。我感觉到他放松下来，他的手抚上我的脸颊。我紧紧抱住他，我们的额头再次贴紧。他的眼睛闪烁了几下。他竭力回吻了我，这个动作似乎消耗了他最后的一丝力量。他的手指抓紧了我的毛衣，他看着我，眼睛焕发出莫名的光彩。“我希望最后看见的，是你。”他的声音急促。I hold his gaze. I feel every second like a blade against my skin but I hold it. I won't look away because this is sacred and I'm long past the point of salvage anyway. He takes a few deep breaths and sags. His eyes close.我默默承受他的凝视。即使每一秒钟都有仿佛利刃刺穿我的皮肤，但我承受着。我不敢移开视线，因为这是一个庄重的时刻，何况我并没有任何方法能挽回这一切。他深深呼吸了几次，然后平静地闭上眼睛。He is sleeping now. It won't be long.他睡着了。不会太久。I gather him close, wrap myself around him. I kiss his face over and over. I'm aware that I'm talking to him but I don't know what I'm saying. I may be telling him I love him. I may be telling him I've never loved anyone else and never will. I may be cursing him for leaving me. I really have no idea. It doesn't matter. Those things are all true, whether I am telling him or not.我紧紧抱住他，尽力让自己能够完全包裹他。我一次次亲吻他的脸颊。我意识到我在对他说话，但我不知道自己都说了什么。我或许告诉他我爱他。我或许告诉他我从未爱过其他人，以后也永远不会。我或许在责怪他抛下我，独自离开。我不知道。这也没什么关系。这些都是真实的，无论我是否说出口。He takes his last breath a few minutes later. Exhale, and then – nothing.他在数分钟后停止了呼吸。呼气，然后——结束了。I stare down at his face. It is not real.我低下头凝视他的脸颊。这不是真的。He can't hear me now. So I say it all again and this time I know I'm doing it. I talk to him until my voice gives out.他现在听不见我在说什么了。所以我把刚刚那些话都说了一遍。这次，我知道自己在做什么。我不停地对他说话，直到我再也说不出话来。Lestrade and Sarah are there. When did they arrive? They are leaning over us, their faces sad. Sarah is crying. Lestrade has come with the men from the funeral home who'll take him away. I won't let them. Sarah has her arm around me and finally she and Lestrade coax me into releasing him. I can't watch. I go to the window and Sarah hugs me from behind. I hear the rustlings and the wheels on the stairs and the clanking of the gurney and they're nearly gone before I stop them.Lestrade和Sarah在这里。他们什么时候到的？他们向我们走过来，神情悲伤。Sarah在哭泣。Lestrade带来一些负责殡葬事宜的人，他们要带走他。我怎么能允许。Sarah用胳膊抱住我，最后她和Lestrade一起哄着我放开他。我不敢看身后发生了什么。我走到窗边。Sarah从后面抱住我。我听见轮子在楼梯上的沙沙声，轮床发出的金属碰撞的声音——他们就要走了，在我阻止之前！"Wait. One moment." I must sound calm enough for them to stop when I say so. He is covered with a sheet. I go to the gurney and peel the sheet back.“等等。就一会。”我必须让自己的声音听起来足够冷静，以至于他们会听我的话。他被一张被单覆盖着。我走到轮床边，揭起被单。I just look. Perhaps I had something to say but it's gone now. It's too late. The man I've lost wasn't just my best friend, not now.我只是看着。我或许还有话想说，但现在什么都没有了。太迟了。我刚刚失去的那个人，曾经不只是我最好的朋友，而现在彻底不是了。
They take him away. Lestrade hugs me, and it's a bit alarming, but I need it. He leaves, and Sarah watches me like a hawk.他们把他带走了。Lestrade拥抱了我，有一些让人不舒服，不过我需要他。他离开了，而Sarah看着我的神情就像一只鹰。I walk across the living room toward the couch. I make it halfway there. My legs slowly buckle and I am sitting on the floor, staring into space. She joins me there and holds my hand.我穿过卧室走向沙发。我只走到一半。我的腿缓慢弯曲，坐到了地上，茫然地凝视空气。她坐在我旁边，握着我的手。I feel nothing.我什么也感觉不到。His funeral is well attended. This does not surprise me. Many people admired Sherlock. Many more couldn't stand him. But nobody who ever came in contact with him ever forgot it, and it seems as if all of them are compelled to be here.他的葬礼有许多人参加。这并不令我惊讶。有许多人称赞Sherlock。更多人不能忍受他。不过没有一个人，在和Sherlock接触过后，能够忘记他，似乎他们都是被迫到此似的。I am being treated as the grieving widower. Mourner in Chief. It really ought to be his mother, but everyone seems to think this arrangement entirely appropriate, including the woman herself.我被当作悲伤的鳏夫对待。成为主要的祭悼人。这本应是他母亲的位置，但所有人都觉得这种安排合理极了，包括他的母亲。Despite my fears, she doesn't blame me. Mycroft says that she hates goodbyes and wouldn't have known how to handle Sherlock's, so it's just as well. She seems to understand this. She hugs me and tells me she's so glad that he had me with him in his final hours.不像我曾担心的，她并没有责怪我。Mycroft说她讨厌告别，也不知道该如何对待那样的Sherlock，所以这样处理是最好的。她看起来明白这一点，她拥抱了我，告诉我她很高兴他最后的时刻有我陪伴。I stand up to give his eulogy. I only do it because I can't imagine anyone else doing it. I talk about his brilliance, his dedication to his work. I talk about the people he helped and the criminals he brought to justice. I don't talk about how he made me feel alive, or the way his eyes glowed when the sunlight slid behind them from the side.我站着读完了他的祷文。我只能如此因为我不能想象让别人去做这件事。我提到了他的卓越才华，他对工作的忘我精神。我提到了那些他帮助过的人，那些因他而伏法的罪犯。我没有提到他是怎样让我意识到生命的意义，或者他眼睛是如何闪耀出璀璨的光芒，当阳光从他身后滑过的时候。I tell the mourners that he was my friend, and I am honored to have known and worked with him. I don't tell them that I loved him, and that I love him still, and that if I had one wish in the world it would be that I could make it stop.我告诉这些吊唁者他是我的朋友，而我非常荣幸能够结识他，并与他共同工作。我没有告诉他们我爱他，我仍然爱着他，以及如果在这世上我只能有一个愿望，那就是阻止这一切。Sherlock's left me everything. He had more money than I suspected. He certainly had never needed a flatmate. But I'd known for some time that my presence served many purposes, the very smallest of which was financial. I find myself well off for the time being. I take some time off from the surgery. I spend it reorganizing the flat.Sherlock把所有东西都留给了我。他比我以为的要富有。他无疑不需要与人合租。不过我知道，我的存在还是对他有不少的帮助——最少恐怕就是经济上的了。时间能让我慢慢好起来。我从手术中抽出了一些时间，用来重新装修我们的公寓。One night I open up one of his scrapbooks. Collections of crimes, deductions, examples. His notes scrawled everywhere in his spidery handwriting. I sit with it and I hear him taking me through it. I read the whole thing. Then I read the next, and the next.有一个晚上我打开了他剪贴簿中的一个。案件的收集，演绎，案例。他的笔记潦草，似乎在用他蛛网般精致的笔迹随意涂画。我坐在旁边，似乎听见他在为我讲解一切其中绝妙的联系。我读完了这本剪贴簿，然后是下一本，再下一本。Within a month I have read everything of his in the flat. I've brought in filing cabinets to organize his messy clippings. I can put my hand to any piece of reference I need within seconds. I don't know why I feel I must have that ability, but I have it, nonetheless.我大约用了一个月的时间来读完这间公寓里他留下的一切文件。我用档案柜将他的所有杂乱剪辑分门别类。我能在几秒钟内找到所需要的任何一件资料。我不知道为什么我觉得自己必须拥有这种能力，但我有了，无论如何。Lestrade calls me about six weeks after the funeral. "Strange case," he says. "Man found dead, not a mark on him. Locked room, no windows."葬礼过后大约六星期，Lestrade向我打来电话。“古怪的案子。”他说“一个男人死在房间里，没有任何痕迹。房门锁着，没有窗户。”"And?" I say, puzzled.“所以呢？”我迷惑地问。"Will you come?"“你会来吗？”"Me?"“我？”He sighs. "You're the next best thing, John."他叹气。“你是我们仅次的最好选择了，John。”So I go. Everyone stares. I must look terribly out of place without a tall, black-clad figure by my side. I shut my eyes before I enter the room, and when I open them again, he is there with me.所以我去了。所有人都盯着我。我肯定看起来很糟糕——少了一个黑色外套的身影站在我身边。进门之前，我闭上眼睛，当我又睁开时，他就在这里，陪伴着我。I look, and I see things I would not have seen before. I don't fool myself that I see all that he would have seen. But I see a great deal. It turns out that I see enough.我观察，然后我看见了，之前从未看见的那些东西。我没有欺骗自己，看到了那些他曾看到的一切。但我确实看到了很多——足够多。I turn to Lestrade as I leave. "I'm not like him, Greg. I'm glad to help if I can. But I'll be charging for it."离开之前，我告诉Lestrade。“我不像他，Greg。我很高兴能够帮到你。不过我得收费。”He grins. "As you like, Doctor Watson."他笑了起来。“如你所愿，Watson医生。”The next time, I am faster. The time after that, I am more thorough.第二次，我的演绎快了许多。之后，更加的充分和全面。I sit at home with casefiles, and we talk it out. "What do you make of the wallet?" he asks me.我在家里处理案件，有时与他一起讨论。“你能从他的钱包里看出什么？”他问。"He was at the gym the night before."“他昨晚去过健身房。”"How can you tell?" He's dubious. Sherlock never set much store by traditional routes of inquiry. Wallets, diaries, phone calls. Too obvious.“你从哪儿看出来的？”他怀疑。Sherlock从不会以传统途径问询。钱包，日记，通话记录。显而易见。"He's got a thick stack of cards in here. Credit cards, membership cards, bank cards. His cheque card is second from the back. That's the card most people use the most frequently, so he must have been in the habit of using his cards and then sliding them to the back of the stack. The gym card is at the very back, so he must have used it after he used his cheque card the last time. Most people don't go very long without using their cheque card, so he probably was at the gym the night before he died."“他有厚厚一叠卡。信用卡、会员卡、银行卡。他的支票簿放在第二层，这层的东西往往是人们最频繁使用的，所以他一定有用完卡后把它们塞到最后一层的习惯。这张健身卡正好在这一层，说明他一定在最后一次用过支票薄之后又用了这张卡。大多数人用支票簿的频率还是相当高的，所以他在死前的那一晚很有可能去了健身房。”"Hmm. I'm impressed."“嗯。惊人的发挥。”I smile. "You'd never say that if you were really here."我笑了。“如果你真在这里，肯定不会这么说。”"I am wounded by that accusation, John."“我可被这句指责给伤到了，John。”Sometimes I can almost see him. I shut my eyes and picture him. "I love you."有时，我能看见他。我闭上眼睛，在脑海里描绘他。He doesn't answer. He never does when I say that.他从不应答，当我这么问的时候。Six months out, I resign from the surgery. I have new business cards. John Watson, M.D. Consulting detective.六个月过后，我推掉了所有手术，重印了名片。 John Watson，医学博士。顾问侦探。Still the only one in the world. 依然是世界上唯一的一个。
==============================END=================================LZ今天意外地勤快啊，刷英语的可以全文抱走了~
这篇早就看过不过楼楼还是好有心！！赞一个！555不过还是看一次哭一次呀太感人了555
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