The Wind Blows.
The Wind Blows.
"The Wind Blows." by Katherine Mansfield ()
by Katherine Mansfield. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1920. pp. 137-144.
[Page 137]&
THE WIND BLOWS
SUDDENLY–dreadfully–she wakes up. What has happened? Something dreadful has happened. No–nothing has
happened. It is only the wind shaking the house, rattling
the windows, banging a piece of iron on the roof and making
her bed tremble. Leaves flutter past the window, up and
down in the avenue a whole newspaper wags in the
air like a lost kite and falls, spiked on a pine tree. It is cold.
Summer is over–it is autumn–everything is ugly. The
carts rattle by, swingi two Chinamen
lollop along under their wooden yokes with the straining
vegetable baskets–their pigtails and blue blouses fly out in
the wind. A white dog on three legs yelps past the gate. It is
all over! What is? Oh, everything! And she begins to plait
her hair with shaking fingers, not daring to look in the glass.
Mother is talking to grandmother in the hall.
"A perfect idiot! Imagine leaving anything out on the line
in weather like this.
Now my best little Teneriffe-work
teacloth is simply in ribbons. What is that extraordinary
smell? It's the porridge burning. Oh, heavens–this wind!"
[Page 138]&
She has a music lesson at ten o'clock. At the thought the
minor movement of the Beethoven begins to play in her
head, the trills long and terrible like little rolling drums. . . .
Marie Swainson runs into the garden next door to pick the
"chrysanths" before they are ruined. Her skirt flies up above
she tries to beat it down, to tuck it between her
legs while she stoops, but it is no use–up it flies. All the trees
and bushes beat about her. She picks as quickly as she can,
but she is quite distracted. She doesn't mind what she does–she pulls the plants up by the roots and bends and twists
them, stamping her foot and swearing.
"For heaven's sake keep the front door shut! Go round to
the back," shouts someone. And then she hears Bogey:
"Mother, you're wanted on the telephone. Telephone,
Mother. It's the butcher."
How hideous life is–revolting, simply revolting. . . . And
now her hat-elastic's snapped. Of course it would. She'll
wear her old tam and slip out the back way. But Mother has
"Matilda. Matilda. Come back im-me-diately! What on
earth have you got on your head? It looks like a tea cosy.
And why have you got that mane of hair on your forehead."
"I can't come back, Mother. I'll be late for my lesson."
"Come back immediately!"
[Page 138]&
She won't. She won't. She hates Mother. "Go to hell," she
shouts, running down the road.
In waves, in clouds, in big round whirls the dust comes
stinging, and with it little bits of straw and chaff and
manure. There is a loud roaring sound from the trees in the
gardens, and standing at the bottom of the road outside Mr.
Bullen's gate she can hear the sea sob: "Ah!
Ah-h!" But Mr. Bullen's drawing-room is as quiet as a cave.
The windows are closed, the blinds half-pulled, and she is
not late. The-girl-before-her has just started playing MacDowell's "To an Iceberg." Mr. Bullen looks over at her and
half smiles.
"Sit down," he says. "Sit over there in the sofa corner, little
How funny he is. He doesn't exactly laugh at you
there is just something. . . .
Oh, how peaceful it is here. She
likes this room. It smells of art serge and stale smoke and
chrysanthemums
there is a big vase of them on the
mantelpiece behind the pale photograph of Rubinstein
& mon ami Robert Bullen. . . . . Over the black glittering
piano hangs "Solitude"–a dark tragic woman draped in
white, sitting on a rock, her knees crossed, her chin on her
"No, no!" says Mr. Bullen, and he leans over the other girl,
puts his arms over her shoulders and plays the passage for
her. The stupid–she's blushing! How ridiculous!
[Page 140]&
Now the-girl-before- the front door slams.
Mr. Bullen comes back and walks up and down, very softly,
waiting for her. What an extraordinary thing. Her fingers
tremble so that she can't undo the knot in the music satchel.
It's the wind. . . .
And her heart beats so hard she feels it
must lift her blouse up and down. Mr. Bullen does not say a
word. The shabby red piano seat is long enough for two
people to sit side by side. Mr. Bullen sits down by her.
"Shall I begin with scales?" she asks, squeezing her hands
together. "I had some arpeggios, too."
But he does not answer. She doesn't believe he even hears
and then suddenly his fresh hand with the ring on it
reaches over and opens Beethoven.
"Let's have a little of the old master," he says.
But why does he speak so kindly–so awfully kindly–and
as though they had known each other for years and years and
knew everything about each other.
He turns the page slowly. She watches his hand–it is a
very nice hand and always looks as though it had just been
"Here we are," says Mr. Bullen.
Oh, that kind voice–Oh, that minor movement. Here
come the little drums. . . .
"Shall I take the repeat?"
"Yes, dear child."
His voice is far, far too kind. The crotchets and
[Page 141]&
are dancing up and down the stave like little black boys on a
fence. Why is he so
She will not cry–she has nothing to
cry about.
"What is it, dear child?"
Mr. Bullen takes her hands. His shoulder is there–just by
her head. She leans on it ever so little, her cheek against the
springy tweed.
"Life is so dreadful," she murmurs, but she does not feel
it's dreadful at all. He says something about "waiting" and
"marking time" and "that rare thing, a woman," but she does
not hear. It is so comfortable
Suddenly the door opens and in pops Marie Swainson,
hours before her time.
"Take the allegretto a little faster," says Mr. Bullen, and
gets up and begins to walk up and down again.
"Sit in the sofa corner, little lady," he says to Marie.
The wind, the wind. It's frightening to be here in her
room by herself. The bed, the mirror, the white jug and basin
gleam like the sky outside. It's the bed that is frightening.
There it lies, sound asleep.. . . Does Mother imagine for one
moment that she is going to darn all those stockings knotted
up on the quilt like a coil of snakes? She's not. No, Mother.
I do not see why I should. . . .
The wind–the wind! There's
a funny smell of
[Page 142]&
soot blowing down the chimney. Hasn't
anyone written poems to the wind? . . . "I bring fresh flowers
to the leaves and showers." . . . What nonsense.
"Is that you, Bogey?"
"Come for a walk round the esplanade, Matilda. I can't
stand this any longer."
"Right-o. I'll put on my ulster. Isn't it an awful day!" Bogey's ulster is just like hers. Hooking the collar she looks
at herself in the glass. Her face is white, they have the same
excited eyes and hot lips. Ah, they know those two in the
glass. Good-bye, we shall be back soon.
"This is better, isn't it?"
"Hook on," says Bogey.
They cannot walk fast enough. Their heads bent, their
legs just touching, they stride like one eager person through
the town, down the asphalt zigzag where the fennel grows
wild, and on to the esplanade. It is dusky–just getting
dusky. The wind is so strong that they have to fight their
way through it, rocking like two old drunkards. All the poor
little pahutukawas on the esplanade are bent to the ground.
"Come on! Come on! Let's get near."
Over by the breakwater the sea is very high. They pull off
their hats and her hair blows across her mouth, tasting of
salt. The sea is so high that the waves
they thump against the rough stone wall and suck up the
[Page 143]&
dripping steps. A fine spray skims from the water
right across the esplanade. They ar the
inside of her mouth tastes wet and cold.
Bogey's voice is breaking. When he speaks he rushes up
and down the scale. It's funny–it makes you laugh–and yet
it just suits the day. The wind carries their voices–away fly
the sentences like narrow ribbons.
"Quicker! Quicker!"
It is getting very dark. In the harbour the coal hulks show
two lights–one high on a mast, and one from the stern.
"Look, Bogey. Look over there."
A big black steamer with a long loop of smoke streaming,
with the portholes lighted, with lights everywhere, is putting
out to sea. The wi she cuts through the
waves, making for the open gate between the pointed rocks
that leads to . . . It's the light that makes her look so awfully
beautiful and mysterious.
They are on board leaning
over the rail arm in arm.
" . . . Who are they?"
Brother and sister."
"Look, Bogey, there's the town. Doesn't it look small?
There's the post office clock chiming for the last time.
There's the esplanade where we walked that windy day. Do
you remember? I cried at my music lesson that day–how
many years ago ! Good-bye, little island, good-bye.
[Page 144]&
Now the dark stretches a wing over the tumbling water.
They can't see those two any more. Good-bye, good-bye.
Don't forget. . . .
But the ship is gone, now.
The wind–the wind.
This chapter has been put on-line as part of the
Initiative at the
Initial text entry and proof-reading of this chapter were the work of volunteer
Eric Eldred.Accessibility links
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By Alan Tyers (from 16.30), Ian McCourt and Evan Fanning (7.30 - 16.30)
• Completed deals:
• Herrera to United OFF in bizarre "impostor" circumstances • Marouane Fellaini Man Utd deal done for ?27.5million • Everton & Wigan agree late, late fee for James McCarthy • Lukaku looks like joining Everton on loan, not WBA
SO... a pretty good transfer window, all things considered. Arsenal have signed one of the best players in the world, but boy they had to sweat to complete the paperwork. One would imagine that Ozil’s people were able to play some pretty hard ball. As for Man United, there are going to be some tough questions about their day: yes, they did eventually get Fellaini, but for a lot of money – and certainly for more than they were trying to pay a few days ago. They were also involved in a bizarre failed transfer for Ander Herrera when “impostors” turned up in Spain trying to negotiate the deal. Everton may have got big bucks for Fellaini, but they look to have spent a fair bit on James McCarthy as well. Prize for the most confusing club goes to WBA, who looked to be all over the place. Palace were busy. Liverpool and Man City will have enjoyed relatively relaxing days. Newcastle did nowt apart from hang onto Cabaye. Oh yeah, and Gareth Bale became the galaxy's most expensive chimp. Thanks for following it with us, hope you all got the info you needed, hope your club got somebody you wanted. I've got to go, me and Joe Kinnear have got a conference call with Terry Venables about a big deal that's coming up. Cheers.
23.55 And it would seem that Lukaku will go on loan to Everton in favour of WBA.
23.53 Looks like Gareth Barry is going to join Everton from City.
23.51 Wigan signed Ryan Shotton from Stoke with just two minutes left of the window.
23.46 Pretty unsatisfactory day for Newcastle United fans, although on the upside they did manage to hold on to Cabaye. I guess they are justified in asking what Joe Kinnear has brought to the table. Here's .
Martin Thomas: "Man Utd should have appointed Harry Redknapp as their manager, he would have got the deals done! He's done a good bit of business for QPR this window, they look a decent team for promotion now."
23.42 So now those of us who support normal clubs have to endure/savour the whining of Man United fans. Waaaa-waaa-waaaah, we only signed this one boke for 27 million quid and got a Real Madrid player on loan. Sack the board, Moyes out etc.
&noframe&Twitter: Jonathan Birchall - Gill was based at Carrington. Met with Fergie every day. Woodward based in Mayfair. Barely seen since July. Early days, but still... &a href="/search?q=MUFC" target="_blank"&#MUFC&/a&&/noframe& That being said, this has also been a good old fashioned fiasco.
&noframe&Twitter: BBC Radio Manchester - &a href="/search?q=manutd" target="_blank"&#manutd&/a& confirm 3 men who reportedly attempted to negotiate a deal for Ander Herrera were imposters & not acting on club's behalf &a href="/search?q=mufc" target="_blank"&#mufc&/a&&/noframe& 23.38 Heh. This is crazy. Or maybe it's me, transfer fatigue has set it. Anyhow, Shane Long is not moving. That's the definitive, cast-iron, no doubt about it last word on that Hull/WBA piece of business. (More updates in four minutes time when it all changes around again)
23.34 It seems that Harry DID manage to sign old pal Niko Kranjčar on loan for QPR after all, apols for the confusion. Fog of war and all that. Fog of car window in this case.
23.33 Just to confirm, no last-minute drama at Liverpool, just those three they got earlier in the day.
MC Kenna: "I find the most shocking piece of news this transfer window to be that Nani is still at Old Trafford." And Craig Williams says: "Finally deadline can properly come to an end... Arry is out the windah!"
23.31 Oh. Now it sounds like the Shane Long deal is still on. Basically, nobody seems to be quite certain what's going on there.
23.29 Nick Powell joins Wigan on loan from Man U. He's always brilliant on computer games, isn't he? I guess it hasn't quite happened in real life yet. Still, perhaps this will be the making of him.
23.25 We hear that Fábio Coentr?o has joined Man United on a season-long loan from Real Madrid. Well, that should sugar the pill a bit for United fans. Plays at left-back or down the left but can also play in the centre, innit. And he has 37 caps for Portugal. That's a pretty handy signing, isn't it?
23.24 It sounds like the Shane Long WBA to Hull deal has fallen through.
23.20 Everton apparently saying "Yeah, be we would like soooooo have signed these people even if we hadn't sold Fellaini, honest", which seems a bit pointless to me. Quite clearly they had nay cash.
23.16 Thank God! It's an 11th hour appearance for Harry and his car window. I was getting seriously worried. "Lovely little player... had him at Spurs..." you know the drill. That Gail Davis at QPR has had a hell of an evening from the locals down there, by the looks of it.
&noframe&Twitter: John Nicholson - Surely Ozil doesn't play the Arsenal way. He actually wins things&/noframe& 23.10 Hoo, here's one that snuck under the radar: Fulham sign Elsad Zverotic from Young Boys. Two-year-deal. "Zverotić, Zverotić, put your hands all over my body" No? Too soon?
23.08 Sounds like a bit of slapstick down at Crystal Palace, Andrew Johnson arrived there, presumably with a view to a deal, but was too late to get the paperwork done.
23.06 Our football top man Henry Winter says that Marouane Fellaini HAS gone through, for between 26 to 28 million pounds.
23.05 We're still waiting to hear about this James McCarthy move from Wigan to Everton, while we understand that Romelu Lukaku may make a loan move to Everton, and not WBA. Both of those pieces of information suggest that Everton are getting money from deal Fellaini.
&noframe&Twitter: Didi Hamann - Barry and McCarthy to Everton Fellaini still there? United not covered themselves in glory.Been turned down more often than Jordan.&/noframe& 23.02 Well, well. Quite an evening. No doubt there will be some deals trickling in over the next hour, so stay with us for a bit if you're so minded.
&noframe&Twitter: Matthew Stanger - Embarrassing for United. Really counting the cost of David Gill's exit.&/noframe& 23.00 The transfer window has closed.
22.59 James McCarthy is at the Everton training ground, suggesting that Everton managed to get some paperwork through. Brilliant bit of business by Dave Whelan if he's managed to get 12 million quid out of Everton I would say.
22.58 That window is about to SLAM SHUT
&noframe&Twitter: Jack Wilshere - Signing of the summer! Easily! Fantastic player, plays the 'Arsenal way'. Welcome &a href="/MesutOzil1088" target="_blank"&@MesutOzil1088&/a& absolutely buzzing!&/noframe& 22.56 Tom Carroll and Benoit Assou-Ekotto look like they are joining QPR on loan, but Redknapp pet Niko Kranjčar seems unlikely now.
22.54 Just a few minutes left before the 11pm deadline. Wow, if Fellaini doesn't happen, and Herrera has fallen through, you'd have to say this is a bit of a disaster, no?
22.52 Romelu Lukaku looks sure to move on loan, everyone now seems to think that Everton rather than WBA is on the cards, because they will pay a bigger loan fee than the Baggies. This, plus the Wigan McCarthy thing, suggests to me that Everton reckon they are getting some dosh from Fellaini?
22.50 Peter Odemwingie has finally escaped his frustration at West Bromwich Albion with a ?2.5 million move to Cardiff City, eight months after he was ridiculed in his attempts to join Queens Park Rangers.
22.48 Everton have met Wigan's valuation for James McCarthy. We hear ?12million.
22.45 And a little summary of the Mesut Ozil situ that doesn't really do justice to the tension, or tedium, or waiting all day to see what some lawyers thought about the paperwork.
Arsenal have completed the signing of Germany midfielder Mesut Ozil in what is understood to be a club-record ?43million move from Real Madrid.
The 24-year-old sealed the 50million euros transfer on Monday afternoon having undergone a medical in Munich, where he is on international duty.
Before Sunday's 1-0 win over big-spending Tottenham, Gunners boss Arsene Wenger had seen moves for Gonzalo Higuain, Luis Suarez and Yohan Cabaye all fail to come off, but finally has been able to land a big-name signing following the free transfers of Yaya Sanogo and Mathieu Flamini and a loan move for Palermo goalkeeper Emiliano Viviano.
22.44 Bit more on Sunderland, who've been at it hammer and tongs
Sunderland boss Paolo Di Canio has taken his summer signing spree to 13 with a deadline-day double swoop for fellow Italian pair Fabio Borini and Andrea Dossena.
Striker Borini has sealed a one-year loan move from Liverpool while former Anfield left-back Dossena has agreed a one-year free transfer from Napoli.
The moves will help off-set Stephane Sessegnon's move to West Brom which was completed as the end of the transfer window approached.
The 22-year-old Borini was Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers' first signing at Anfield when he joined for around ?10million from Roma last summer, but struggled to hold down a regular first-team place.
Borini has been capped 18 times by Italy at Under-21 level and made his full international debut in a friendly against the United States in February last year.
Borini will provide extra attacking options for Di Canio and fill the gap created by the departure of Sessegnon.
Borini joined Bologna as a youth player before moving to Chelsea in 2007. After a loan spell at Swansea he moved back to Serie A for brief periods at Parma and Roma.
Meanwhile Dossena joined Liverpool from Udinese in 2008 but after losing his first-team place moved back to Serie A with Napoli 18 months later.
The 31-year-old, who has 10 senior international caps, helped Napoli win the Coppa Italia in 2012 with a 2-0 win over Juventus in Rome.
The double signing takes Di Canio's Italian haul to four after previous deals for midfielder Emmanuele and goalkeeper Vito Mannone.
22.42 Andy West, a Spanish football writer, talking to the BBC on the Ander Herrera. "Some bizarre reports coming out regarding United's collapsed Herrera deal. Apparently a group of men claiming to be United representatives spent an hour at the La Liga offices in Madrid today, but it turns out they had nothing to do with the club and were presumably just attempting to get a cut of the deal in an elaborate fraud. Must be stressed these are just rumours but the Spanish media have published pictures of men in black suits - supposedly the United "representatives" - coming out of the league offices carrying briefcases. All very strange and no doubt the truth will come out in the next few days."
22.38 Here's Mesut Ozil's Facebook. ?42.5million is the fee as I understand it.
"Dear fans of Real Madrid. Thank you very much for three wonderful years with all of you. My time at Real Madrid was unique and special for me.
"Sometimes things develop differently, than I would have expected them to a few days ago. Although I'm leaving Real Madrid, I wish you and the team the very best for the future. Now, I'm looking forward to my new club: THE GUNNERS!"
Jeremy Wilkins: "Whilst I, like others, have been spending most of the day hoping that United would sign someone, it may be a blessing in disguise if we don't. It gives Moyes a season to work with and assess a title winning side so that, come next Summer, he'll have a much better idea of who and what is needed. The failure of the suits in this window would also ensure that such a farce never happens again." Oh, Jeremy. That's far too sensible. You can do better than that.
22.33 Gareth Barry is at Everton for talks. No disrespect to a fine player and a good chap, but I hope that there's more than that to come for Everton if Fellaini does leave.
22.31 YES! A bloke who I totally haven't heard of, an Algerian guy at Forest, is at Palace for talks. More on that when, erm, I figure it out. Oh, yes, that guy. Adlène Guedioura. Going to Palace. Incredible scenes.
22.27 That Sky Sports News man at WBA is having a hell of a time of it. He's now changed his tune and is saying that Lukaku is more likely to go to Everton than Baggies. Who knows, frankly?
22.23 Arsene Wenger must be a relieved man. Arsenal would have looked really stupid if that hadn't come through. God, I bet Ozil's people held Arsenal's feet to the fire, eh?
Jalal: "3 O’Clock in the morning here in India, Finally I can go to sleep now that the Ozil has signed for Arsenal, Go Gooners go." Akhil Atreya: "3 AM here in India and finally the Ozil deal is done. Relief swarming all over. Got to prepare for my 2 exams tomorrow now. Been too much of a distraction. Now i can focus. Welcome to Arsenal Mesut Ozil." Goodnight, Indian chums! Thanks for writing.
22.21 More from Midlands man John Percy. He and Luke not in total agreement on the fee, so let's say between five and six million. I mean, what's a million quid on a crazy day like this?
"West Brom announce the club record signing of Stephane Sessegnon from Sunderland. Believe the deal is worth around ?6m and he will be Albion's first cash purchase of the summer - will he be the last?"
22.20 Mesut Ozil has signed for Arsenal. "We have signed a great player. We have watched him for some time. He has everything we look for in a player," says Arsene Wenger.
22.19 North East guru Luke Edwards has the wrap-up of the Sunderland movings and shakings.
Sunderland completed their 13th and 14th new signings of the summer with the season’s loan of Liverpool striker Fabio Borini and Napoli left-back Andrea Dossena.
Borini was brought in as a replacement for Stephane Sessegnon, who moved to West Bromwich Albion for ?5m, after falling out with manager Paolo Di Canio, while former Liverpool defender Dossena, who arrives on a free transfer, will give Jack Colback competition for a starting place at the back.
The pressure is now on Di Canio to mould so many new players into a team capable of competing in the Premier League. The Black Cats have not won in the league this season and their 3-1 defeat at newly-promoted Crystal Palace last weekend means they are second from bottom in the table.
22.17 Think I mentioned this before, slightly distracted by the shambles at Man United. Benoit Assou-Ekotto joins QPR on loan.
&noframe&Twitter: Benoit Assou-Ekotto - Lets go to QPR ! I ll keep one eyes on u spurs hv a good luck this season &a href="/search?q=COYS?" target="_blank"&#COYS?&/a&&Y&&?&Y&??&Y&&S??¤&/noframe& 22.13 Fabio Borini joins Sunderland on year-long loan. Dear me, hasn't really worked out at Anfield for the lad yet, has it? Ten million quid only a year ago, now on loan at the, erm, Wearside Academy of Science.
22.11 This cannot be true, can it? That someone, unauthorised to rep Man United, posed as an agent in Spain?
&noframe&Twitter:
- It's not an impostor trying to do United's business. The man's name is David Moyes.&/noframe& 22.04 Oh snap! Herrera is off. Blimey, that's a huge blow for Moyes, is it not? There were some "bureaucratic problems" with the deal, according to Guillem Balague. I'll say. More on that ASAP. I am also hearing that United wouldn't meet the buyout clause. And, sensationally, we're hearing that 'Unauthorised representatives of MUFC were present at the Spanish League HQ. An impostor?!
&noframe&Twitter: Guillem Balague - the Ander Herrera deal is OFF. Manchester United will only sign one midfielder (Fellaini) despite trying for both all day&/noframe& 22.01 Right. The Ozil latest, such as it is. According to Sky Sports Man: "The deal is not done yet but they are still hopeful that it will be done before 11pm. It is a complicated deal. The sheer size of the transfer fee is making it take a long time." Heh. Now Geraint Hughes has to try to quell some cheering from the lads behind him.
22.00 It's the last hour. Clean-up for Jim White.
&noframe&Twitter: Benoit Assou-Ekotto - Lets go to QPR ! I ll keep one eyes on u spurs hv a good luck this season &a href="/search?q=COYS?" target="_blank"&#COYS?&/a&&Y&&?&Y& ?&Y&&S? ¤&/noframe& 21.56 So as the final hour approaches, let's get a rundown of the situation at Manchester United. Mark Ogden, this is your time.
"So, as the window approaches its final hour, here is a wrap of Manchester United's business on deadline day. No deals yet for Marouane Fellaini or Ander Herrera, but Bebe, Nick Powell and Marnick Vermijl have all been loaned out. Pacos de Ferreira have taken Bebe, Powell goes to Wigan, while Vermijl is off to Dutch outfit Nijmegen."
21.54 If you're finding the Herrera or Ozil deals to be dragging unbearably, be thankful at least that Suarez isn't in the mix today.
Jalal: "Ed Woodward left half way during the United’s Far east tour to wrap up URGENT transfer business, Was he stuck in Transit with namesake Ed Snowden somewhere in Russia?"
21.50 Good lord, I wouldn't click on the Twitter 'trending' link for Natalie Sawyer if I were, like, her dad or husband or granddad or whatever. Or indeed if I were Natalie herself. Some very excited young men expressing their views about her. I think they're trying to be complimentary.
Reader Pedro Mosca with a nice titbit on Liverpool's new boy: "Here's some more intel on nationality issues: Tiago Ilori was actually born in London and never played for Portugal's senior squad, having participated only in under-21 matches. This means that given the right, erm, incentive?/patriotic call?, Ilori can actually play for England."
21.48 John Percy having a magnificent game in the centre of the park for Team Telegraph.
"James McCarthy to Everton back on. Twisting more than a twisty-turny thing. Could mean Wigan make a bigger bid for Jordan Rhodes, with only 80 minutes or so left until Jim White explodes..."
This feels a bit like Jakob Gossmann is taking me to task. "Waiting since 1pm for the ?zil deal, the german paper "bild" wrote 6 hours ago, that it is finished based on english papers...." Anilkumar Atluri also wants answers, dammit: "Sitting infront of laptop for the past 8 hours ..............can anyone please confirm me that arsenal signed Ozil....because i'm reading he is already sugned fro the club." Guys, trust me. We're as eager to see it wrapped up as you are. But whatcha gonna do?
21.41 John Percy sheds some light on the complex business at the Hawthorns:
"This has been a frustrating window for Steve Clarke but if he can sign Romelu Lukaku for another season, it will all be worthwhile. Lukaku is heading to West Brom for talks, but the fact he's already played there and been the subject of interest from Everton suggests this deal will happen. Would represent a significant coup for Clarke if he can get the Belgian for another season. Anelka and Lukaku sounds decent, right?"
Craig Williams: "Mate works at a south London McDonalds. Apparently redknapp pulled into the drive through, hung out his window and said, "I just fancy a chat"." Surely he tried to make an offer on a cheeseburger?
21.36 It's Mo Farah! On the phone with Jim White. "Can you believe that Arsenal are signing Ozil, Mo?" "It's unbelievable," says Mo. More on that when I've found a tourniquet for my wrists.
Dhanraj Kotian: "Is the Rooney - Mata swap deal happening? And please let us know if United sign anyone from Herrera/ Felliani / Khedira." To the first: doesn't look like it. To the second: yep, that's the idea!
21.33 Wigan's Dave Whelan has described Everton's James McCarthy offer as "staggering." And he doesn't mean in a good way. Gist of it seems to be that the offer of paying for the player over four years was not the ticket at all.
21.30 The striker clusterfreak at West Brom may be resolving itself. Lukaku has allegedly been seen arriving at he has stated a preference for the Hawthorns rather than Everton.
21.26 Lot of folk from India writing in about the Arsenal.
Akhil: "Been sitting in front of a laptop from the past 6 hours here in India waiting for the confirmation of the ozil deal. I guess Wenger does know how to make it all the more dramatic doesnt he? I can safely say Arsenal's transfer business is not for the faint hearted then."
21.25 John Percy has the latest on Wigan and busy bees Everton:
"Wigan have rejected another bid from Everton for James McCarthy. Wigan chairman Dave Whelan not happy with the way the bid was structured, paying the fee over a 4-year period. Believe it was around ?10m but "way short" of their valuation. Barring late drama, does appear McCarthy will be staying at Wigan. Nick Powell, the Manchester United striker, has agreed to sign on loan for the season."
Abhinav: "It's really good that the telegraph is not describing every transfer as a 'sensational raid' with a club 'swooping' for a player. I mean clubs are not really attacking other clubs with troops and aircraft moving rapidly downwards through the air, hooking the player off the ground, and taking him away. "
21.17 We've hardly mentioned Liverpool, have we? There's been hardly a peep out of them during the second half of the day. They seem to have done their dealing earlier in the day, the squares, confirming the signings of France defender
from Paris St Germain and Portuguese centre-back
from Sporting Lisbon. Also:
from Chelsea on loan.
&noframe&Twitter: Ian Walsh - Dave Whelan: "Nick Powell is...I broke my leg at Wembley...signing on loan for Wigan"&/noframe&
Vishal: "Any insight on what could possibly taking so long to sign Ozil? I hope the guys at Arsenal don't mess this one up at the last moment." Well, I suppose the simple answer is that Ozil's people are trying to bleed Arsenal for as much as they can. But who knows? Maybe he's insisting on a solid gold Alice band to wear.
Romil: "Can't understand why wenger has not made much progress with signing a quality defender... Hope that he is not planning to play sagna as a regular center back."
21.10 News from West Brom. And sweet fancy Moses it's complicated. A Victor Anichebe fee agreed between Everton and West Brom. Personal terms. Stephane Sessegnon deal is close. A fee agreed between Hull and Baggies for Shane Long, five million. Lukaku, meanwhile, is said to favour a (second) loan move to WBA rather than Everton. WBA won't let Shane Long leave unless they get someone in. Got all that?
21.09 Ha, this is great.
&noframe&Twitter: Rebecca Stephenson - Biggest sign Fellaini is going to happen is that John Peters, club photographer has arrived at Carrington &a href="/search?q=mufc" target="_blank"&#mufc&/a&&/noframe& 21.05 It's all wheels within wheels, isn't it? A butterfly flaps its wings in Saigon, etc etc. One result of 'Demba Ba to Arsenal' falling through is that Nik Bendtner's move to Crystal Palace is off.
&noframe&Twitter: Gary Lineker - Even in the Championship you can always rely on Harry for a late one. Assou-Ekotto currently signing forms through Redknapp's car window.&/noframe& 21.02 Transfer Deadline Day Legend Peter Odemwingie's agent says that he has signed for Cardiff, according to Sky.
Abhinav: "At United, the signings were usually done and dusted by the first 2 weeks of July, with the odd dash to the airport to get a languid Bulgarian on transfer deadline day being the exception. Ultimately, this lead to a very peaceful transfer deadline day for United fans in India. But now with this new Woodward-Moyes way of signing players in the last 4 hours of the last day of the season, we have to be up till 3:30 am in the morning because of all the anxiety and excitement. I guess when Moyes was told he has to deliver 'exciting football', he thought it included entertainment in the transfer window as well."
20.57 A tweet from Tor-Kristian Karlsen:
"Lukaku's agent (also looks after Mirallas) enjoys great relations with Everton (and Mr Kenwright), might explain why he's heading there."
20.54 Benoit Assou-Ekotogoodnessmynameishardtospell is going to QPR. More emails:
Shon: "The spanish lad is gonna be amazing.United were monitoring him for two years.Don't let his baby face disguise you.Also FYI: He is taking a million in pay cut to play at United. Oh, and In light of the Sami Khedira bid from Manchester United, I should say that, no German international have played for the Manchester United First team, so far."
Calum Mcquater: "Me again, I have a different uncle who is a scout at Liverpool, recently brought in by Brendan Rodgers. He's assured me that Djimi Traore is in line for a sensational return after Aly Cissokho's injury, worth a punt at the bookies." I heard some pretty bad things about your uncle, dude. Just saying. Andrew Barnes has also heard a rumour: "Reports on Tyneside are suggesting that Joe Kinnear is lining up John Scales of Wimbledon to tighten up Newcastle's leaky defence." Well, I say rumour. That's a copper-bottomed FACT.
Essenam Agouze has thoughts of only one player: "What is Chicharito waiting for ? Move out of Man U for crying out loud!!! You are better than this. Why wouldn't this awesome player think hard about his career?"
20.50 Mark Ogden's got a live one! Have at it, Mark.
"Reports in Spain tonight suggesting that Manchester United have made a late &#x2040m move for Real Madrid midfielder Sami Khedira.
No confirmation from Old Trafford, but Everton's refusal to budge on Marouane Fellaini could prompt a last minute look elsewhere and Real are prepared to sell Germany international Khedira."
Wow, thanks for that Mark .That would be pretty amazing, wouldn't it? He's a superb player, in my opinion.
20.47 I have neglected your emails, mainly because I was stuffing my fat face with junk food. I am sorry.
Sheeraz Ahmad has the honour: "It's 0040 in India and am still waiting for Moyes to make his first signing,especially worried about how am gonna face my Gooner colleagues at work tomorrow if they sign Ozil and we dont sign anyone of note. I've been cruel on them for years i must confess but still i live in the hope that Ozil might still make a u-turn and United somehow sign Herrera."Now how good is this spanish lad gonna be?", that's the big question."
David Sumner: "Football is looking a lot like the Weimar Republic at this point. Silly money for all sorts of also rans. Take the average gate, multiple it by the average ticket price and then see how many games it will take to pay for one of these overrated show ponies. Wenger is right - sign quality on free, only pay if you absolutely must."
Jack Rogers: "Spotted: Mata in TGIs in Manchester eating a full rack of ribs with a bourbon sour cocktail. Move to United or CIty on the cards for the out of favour Chelsea star?"
20.44 Demba Ba to Arsenal is off. Ozil has been offered a five-year deal.
20.38 I understand that this Fellaini business may put the move for Brazil's Fernando back on the table. The Octopus is back in play! I repeat, The Octopus is back in play. The belief seems to be that Fellaini will only be allowed to leave if Everton can get a replacement. And about two and a quarter hours to do it! This seems a brinkmanship-type way for multi-million-pound businesses to go on, but what do I know? So, Fellaini out, The Octopus or A Cephalopod Mollusc To Be Named Later in.
20.36 Sorry, rather a quiet few minutes there and I took the opportunity to grab a bite to eat. McDonalds, since you ask. Have you tried it? It's quite good. I think it might take off.
We have had confirmation that Marouane Fellaini has asked for a transfer.
20.20 The mystery of the day to my mind, though, is still what Joe Kinnear is up to. Thrashing something out with Joe Royle? Speed dialling Big Ron?
20.15 Boom! Marouane Fellaini hands in a transfer request. Ah, and here is our Northern Football Correspondent Mark Ogden
"As suggested this morning, Marouane Fellaini has now submitted an official transfer request at Everton in an effort to drive through a move to Manchester United. Request lodged just after 7.30pm at Everton, so not much time left for it to have any effect."
20.13 I forgot to mention earlier, that new Aston Villa Czech striker Libor Kozak was interviewed on Sky. Seemed a hell of a nice feller. Good size to him. Softly spoken lad. “Coach Lambert called me personally to ask me to join Villa. I will work hard for the team and the fans.” Aw, Coach Lambert?! Bless. It's like a Brummie Friday Night Lights.
20.12 Bit of minor Chelsea news. I'm just going to copy it from the news wires. Sorry. But, you know, there is a limit.
Chelsea defender Sam Hutchinson has joined Eredivisie side Vitesse Arnhem on loan until the end of the season.
The 24-year-old, who has made six first team appearances for the Blues, spent last season on loan in the Championship at Nottingham Forest, six months after coming out of retirement following a knee problem.
Ulises Davila is also on his way out of Stamford Bridge with the 22-year-old Mexican joining Spanish side Cordoba for the rest of the season.
The duo join Victor Moses in leaving west London on loan after the former Wigan man moved to Liverpool for the rest of the campaign earlier on Monday.
20.08 Ruddy heck! It's Arsenal's new goalie. Sitting cross-legged like a bit of a Benny, to be fair. Oh and here are some quotes from Arsene on said Emiliano Viviano: "Viviano is a player that we have rated for some time and we are very pleased to have signed him on loan. He's experienced and has proved himself at a high level, and provides us with excellent cover to our existing goalkeepers."
20.05 Oh wait. More big news from the big made-up transfer of the day. It's Hulk! It's chicken! It's Adam Salisbury:
"Have just spotted Hulk claiming his free whole chicken at the Nandos branch in Haringey. Potential move to Tottenham on the cards??"
Sanele says: "I think Moyes has a lot to learn. Its sad how United have gone from a strategic team when it comes to acquisitions to a team that now wastes money (by buying late). So many alternates could have been sought for Uniteds midfield, but Moyes just forgot that he isn't Sir Alex. Sir Alex could easily get big names on the final day of transfers, just because he was a legend. Big name players don't trust Moyes/United at the moment. So money will talk."
20.03 I reckon something might be fishy in that Ozil deal, you know? God, can you imagine the Gooner Seethe if they missed out now?
Shon's rather monopolising the emails at the moment. Anyone else? "It seems paperworks are delaying Manchester United in Spain.That seems ridiculous."
Well, when you put it like that it does.
20.00 What the hell are those lawyers doing with the Ozil stuff at Arsenal? They sound nearly as slow as the lot that did my house purchase. Get on with it, legal eagles.
19.54 This is the sort of story that gives Jim White tingles. For us mere humans, it seems a bit underwhelming, but still. "MAROUANE FELLAINI HAS LEFT THE EVERTON TRAINING GROUND AT SPEED COULD HE BE ON HIS WAY OUT OF EVERTON TONIGHT?" Well, you just told us he has left at speed, Jim. So, yeah, guess so.
19.52 Barry Bannan a million quid to Palace, we hear from our sources, although the fee is officially undisclosed. Three-year deal.
19.50 The word seems to be that Arsenal will flog the preposterous Nik Bendtner to Crystal Palace, but only if they can get Demba Ba or near equivalent in to the Emirates.
Shon: "Would the 'Money can't buy class' banner be still hanging at Emriates, when Mezut ?zil is done deal?I guess not :D"
19.41 Everton's Victor Anichebe to West Brom is tweaking on the rumour radar.
19.39 A flurry of activity over the last minute or two. Chelsea have confirmed that they have agreed terms "with one of Arsenal and Spurs for Demba Ba", they won't say which, but they say that it is a team playing Champions League football. Ooh, it's like a riddle. Does it have four legs? Does it live in a tree? Does it rhyme with Parsenal?
19.37 Ooh, here's a good breaking one. "Lukaku to Everton on loan".
19.35 Spanish press reporting Ander Herrera is done.
19.33 Twit(ter) of the day has surely been this Jack Sullivan, son of West Ham owner David.
&noframe&Twitter: Jack Sullivan - Sadly it looks unlikely we&ll be doing any business tonight. If things change you&ll hear it 1st here.&/noframe& oh but wait
&noframe&Twitter: Jack Sullivan - I won't say the name as there is a very small change he will still come&/noframe& Be sure to keep us posted, Jack.
19.32 Hey, this would be very funny. Tottenham have made an inquiry about Demba Ba.
&noframe&Twitter: Edward Aldred - &a href="/alantyers" target="_blank"&@alantyers&/a& He's always got his yellow tie, and she's always in the yellow dress. I think it's the Deadline Day version of Santa wearing red&/noframe& 19.30 Midlands main man John Percy is kickin' it on a Stoke tip.
"Stoke are not expecting any of the late business that has become their trademark. Could be a few players leaving on loan, though these could happen when the window opens for Championship clubs next week. Leicester and Burnley have inquired about winger Michael Kightly, while Ryan Shotton has also attracted interest. Also understand the loan deal Stoke struck for Stephen Ireland with Aston Villa involves them paying only a small chunk of his ?65,000 a week wages."
19.25 And here is some more from John Ley.
TOP PREMIER LEAGUE DEADLINE DAY SIGNINGS 2012: Javi Garcia (Benfica to Manchester City) ?16m
2011: Raul Meireles (Liverpool to Chelsea) ?12m
2010: Asamoah Gyan (Rennes to Sunderland) ?13m
2009: Richard Dunne (Manchester City to Aston Villa) ?6m
2008: Robinho (Real Madrid to Manchester City) ?32.5m
2007: Glen Johnson (Chelsea to Portsmouth) ?4m
2006: Ashley Cole (Arsenal to Chelsea) ?5m + player exchange
2005: Michael Owen (Real Madrid to Newcastle) ?17m
2004: Wayne Rooney (Everton to Manchester United) ?27m
2003: Claude Makelele (Real Madrid to Chelsea) ?16.6m
Dan Hamilton doesn't sound like he's a fan of either a) Arsenal or b) the sensitive handling of mental health issues. You have the floor, Dan: "Any stationary object between the pipes would represent 'competition' for 'Eyechart' Sczszcenzny. What I, and surely many others, want to know about is: What sort of toys in the attic this Viviano brings to the Arsenal goalkeeping circus? It seems the principal pre-requisite to be their keeper nowadays is to be an out-and-out psychological whack job."
19.20 Some top stattery from top stat man John Ley about the eye-watering amounts of money being splashed around. He tells me that the combined spending has just topped the ?550million mark. Here's how much was traded in previous summers.
SUMMER SPENDING BY PREMIER LEAGUE CLUBS 2012: ?490m
2011: ?485m
2010: ?365m
2009: ?450m
2008: ?500m
2007: ?470m
2006: ?260m
2005: ?235m
2004: ?215m
2003: ?215m
Shon on the big issue of the evening: Sky Sports Lady's yellow dress: "Maybe its all yellow because Jim White wore the yellow tie again." It's quite a punchy pairing, isn't it? All gone a bit Strictly Come Dancing.
19.12 A bit of news from Luke Edwards.
Shane Long has reportedly been given permission to travel to Hull City to discuss personal terms after West Bromwich Albion accepted a ?5m offer. Long had been with the Republic of Ireland squad ahead of the latest round of World Cup qualifiers.
19.08 Let's catch up with the goings-on down at Palace. They've been at it hammer and tongs.
Barry Bannan, who put off joining up with the Scotland squad to thrash out the terms of a three-year deal with Palace, told cpfc.co.uk he was looking forward to a fresh start at Selhurst Park.
"I went back home to Scotland over the weekend ahead of meeting up with the international squad so I've had to travel back down but it's a great bit of news for me," he said.
"I was at Blackpool with the gaffer here when they got promotion that year and that was probably the highlight of my career so far.
"It is a big move for me to leave Villa and I would like to thank the fans there but it's a new chapter in my life now and I can't wait to get started.
"I want to get myself in the door and start training and hopefully get myself in the team. I haven't played this season and didn't much last year so I can't wait to get going."
19.00 Jim White in the house, hysteria fans. Aw, he looks so happy. Sky Sports Lady on his left probably won't be sticking this shot in the portfolio. Sorry about that, madam. Cameron Macphail, sitting to my right, wonders if they made her wear yellow to match with the graphical bits and bobs around the screen. Frankly, readers, it's that sort of eye for detail that has put Team Telegraph Online on top of the web sports world.
18.58 I'm intrigued by this Arsenal loan keeper, for some reason. Here's a bit more.
Palermo have confirmed that goalkeeper Emiliano Viviano has signed a season-long loan deal with Arsenal, with the Gunners having the option to make the deal permanent.
The 27-year-old Italy international becomes Arsene Wenger's third signing of the summer and will compete with Wojciech Szczesny to be the Frenchman's first-choice stopper for the remainder of the campaign.
Wenger is believed to have had a long-standing interest in Viviano as he looks to create competition in between the posts for Arsenal, with Lukasz Fabianski also available as an option.
Serie B club Palermo announced the deal with a short statement on their official website which read: "Goalkeeper Emiliano Viviano has been released to Arsenal on loan with the option to buy."
A product of the Brescia youth system, Viviano went on to play for the club for five years before signing Bologna, with Inter Milan purchasing 50 per cent of his registration before the move.
He went on to spend a season at the San Siro but a knee injury curtailed his first-team opportunities in Milan with a move to Palermo completed in 2012.
The club were relegated to Serie B last season but Viviano spent the campaign on loan at Fiorentina, who finished fourth in Serie A.
Wenger has already added the free transfer signings of forward Yaya Sanogo and the returning Mathieu Flamini and has now strengthened another key position at the Emirates Stadium.
Essenam Agouze has got the grand plan: "Javier Hernandez is one of the most underrated player in the Epl. Olivier Giroud , Demba Ba, and Javier Hernandez is the way to go for Arsenal."
18.55 Has your club signed anyone? Got any thoughts on them, if so?
G Robertson: "I like football, but I think the focus on this manic money-spending of such proportions is obscene when there are 1 million refugee children from Syria and aid agencies struggling to cope. Sorry to rain on your parade, but you need a reality check."
CONSIDER ME CHECKED, G-MAN. I'll just do a quick ring-round and tell football that it's all off.
Kiran Kulkarni writes: "It's almost 11 pm in India and I am going to bed. But some questions will surely wake me up in middle of the night. Last two questions before I go to bed. 1) How many midfielders will jose sign before i wake up tomorrow? 2) Who is the next TRIFFIC FELLA harry is going to talk about from his car window? Thanks, have a great deadline day."
&noframe&Twitter: John Merro - &a href="/search?q=EFC" target="_blank"&#EFC&/a& insisting on £26m for Fellaini. Moyes could have had him for less money and stress for a fixed release of £23.5m last month of course.&/noframe& 18.45 More important Hulk news from a man whose twitter name is sadly unrepeatable on a family website, although one part of it is 'Craig': "Adding to speculation of a last minute HULK swoop for spurs..just spotted him in edmonton Ikea buying a kitchen & clothes hangers."
You heard it hear first. Hulk buying coathangers in Edmonton Ikea.
18.43 Shall we have a few twitters?
Marcos Verdin: "Will Chelsea bring another striker? Eto'o and Torres will be the strikers if Ba leaves... Any surprise for Chelsea fans?" Abhinav: "Real just don't learn, do they?!! Selling Ozil and buying Bale is the same as selling Makelele and buying Beckham. Huge mistake."
18.35 Bit more on this Palermo keeper Emiliano Viviano who has gone on loan to Arsenal. He's 27. He has played six times for Italy. He was on-loan at Fiorentina last season, making 32 appearances. It looks like he has had rather a complicated back story in terms of his registration. He was 50% owned by Brescia and I then Bologna bought Brescia's share. Or something. And then Palermo bought Inter's share. So... now there's only half of him left? I dunno. Well, I'm sure it was all completely above-board and clear to the people involved. Maybe more signifcantly, in terms of his long-term chances at Arsenal, he did his cruciate ligament a couple of seasons ago.
Marc Melander: "When Fellaini signs for United that nice Mr Kenwright should thank Mr Rodgers and LFC for putting ?5m on the asking price of the loon-barnetted Moroccan. United's midfield was even more insipid than usual."
18.30 David Weater from Bolton to Boro? That's what they're saying.
Calum Mcquater: "My uncle is a scout at Arsenal and on great terms with Arsene Wenger having been at the club for 15 years. He has told me that Szczeney is being forced out and up and coming goalkeeper Aadil Gulrez is being signed from AFC wimbledon as back up to Viviano." Not sure your Uncle will necessarily thank you for that, but cheers for the tip!
18.25 Bit more on Villa's new Czech striker Libor Kozak, then. He's 24, he's come from Lazio, he was the top scorer in the Europa League last season. He's six foot three and half. Like me! Hi Libor. It's like we're totally connected. Want to swap wages for a few weeks?
18.20 LARF! Oh, man, pity the Sky Sports News man at Liverpool. Peter Stevenson, I think. He is surrounded by cheeky little brats, leaning on him, shouting, pulling faces etc. His patience snaps, and he turns round to yell at them. They have to cut back to the studio because the kids are being so naughty. Ha, ha, ha. Man, I bet he was happy when he drew Liverpool out of the hat in the production meeting.
18.19 Goalkeeper Emiliano Viviano has joined Arsenal from Palermo on a season-long loan deal. The Arsenal have an option to buy.
18.15 Villa! They have signed that Czech striker bloke. Libor Kozak is on his way to Villa Park, he's their seventh summer signing.
18.13 Red-hot spelling chat now.
John Manis: "Here’s a spelling geek point which might be worth knowing - the correct spelling of Mesut’s surname is either “?zil” or “Oezil” (? is written as Oe without the accent). “Ozil” is wrong. ?zil/ Oezil – correct spelling – pronounced ‘Er-zil’. Ozil – incorrect spelling – pronounced ‘Oh-zil’"
18.09 Palace have been busy bees, have they not? Crystal Palace have further improved their squad on the final day of the transfer window with a deal for Reading defender Adrian Mariappa following on from the signing of full-back Jack Hunt from Huddersfield.
Jack Hunt's an unfortunate name, isn't it? And as for his brother Mike... Just don't ask.
18.06 Apparently the Ozil medical was done by the Bayern Munich club doctor. Very much hope he checked all the relevant nooks and crannies of young Ozil.
Douglas Loan: "Ozil looks a bit like Avatar. The medical should check to see if he has a tail."
18.03 Look, look, here's Stephen Ireland. He's joined Stoke City on a season-long loan, and has apparently chosen to be photographed in the club sauna.
&noframe&Twitter: Sky Sports News - Our reporter Gail Davis tells us QPR could still sign former Tottenham winger Niko Kranj??ar. &a href="/search?q=SkyDeadlineDay" target="_blank"&#SkyDeadlineDay&/a&&/noframe& 18.00 Yay. Norwich are in for Ricardo Vaz Te from West Ham. He used to play for us at Easter Road, you know. Still, he seems to be recovering well.
Jorgen with the long name from earlier says: "A tenner for you then, young whittaker... well done. by the way, any chance of a defensive minded, hard tackling, game-destroying midfielder á la nigel de jong for arsenal? could be useful against top opposition."
17.58 News of a man who has made transfer deadline day his own.
Richard Jeffries: "I've just walked past Peter Odemwingie and his agent at Magor Services on the M4. His agent was typing a Swansea post code into the sat nav - sounds like the Swans are set to hijack the deal!"
17.55 Sad news regarding the Octopus. We're now hearing from our sources in Portugal that it may not be happening. I for one am gutted. Sorry, Everton fans. Sorry, fans of shabby chic tasty-but-too-small-plates restuarant mini-chain Polpo.
17.53 More haircare related insider info.
Barney Oakes: "My uncle is a barber near the FC Basel training ground, and he just whatsapped me saying that Eric Djemba Djemba was talking to his agent ahead of a proposed move to the Swiss club."
Josh: "My mates uncles is a barber in Basel and he's just seen ex Man Utd player Kleberson walking round the corner #moyesout."
17.45 Michael Beattie, sitting to my right, has done some stone cold detective work, cracking a case involving Galatasaray, Aston Villa, Lazio, Barry Bannan and quite possibly a small pearl handled revolver.
Aston Villa want Lazio forward Libor Kozak. Lazio have agreed a fee for Burak Yilmaz of Galatasaray. With the money from the sale of Barry Bannan, Villa have weighed in with a bid for Kozak. And Lazio will be happy to sell because they're getting yon Turkish guy, so it's all on.
But Barry Bannan was working for internal affairs all along.
"Hello Alan." Hi, Pedro Mosca. "First of all, keep up the terrific job." Thanks Pedro, that's very nice of you. "This is the number one site to follow the transfer market deadline." I should coco, Pedro. "Second, Fernando is actually Brazilian-born, having even played for Brazil's national team. That being said, let me add that if Everton go through with this deal they'll be buying one of the most overrated midfielders of all time. Good game-destroying skills but zero passing, zero finishing, zero vision, zero creativity. He just works like a bulldozer. Or a wrecking ball."
Hey thanks for pointing that out. You're quite right. Here's a bit more info on Fernando. First and foremost I should point out that his nickname is THE OCTOPUS. He's a six-feet-tall defensive midfielder, all arms and legs apparently (hence the name). Either that or he tastes delicious with just a little tomato gravy or lemon juice.
17.35 Ah, now this is more like it. Some Citizen Journalism.
Jamie Deans: "My mate's uncle is a hair specialist in Basle and has just seen Jimmy Traore roll up in his Mercedes outside the local corner shop. Transfer possibility?"
17.31 Ireland news incoming. Take it away, John Percy.
"Stephen Ireland has passed his medical at #scfc and is set to sign on loan for the season. Effectively ends his career at #avfc."
And talking of the Villa Bomb Squad, Barry Bannan has been down to Palace, had talks and presumably a medical or whatnot, and has apparently now reappeared at the Palace training ground, all the signs being that he is going to team up with Ian Holloway's lot.
Anas El Khalid: "Chelsea should get Khedira , he played three good seasons in Real Madrid with Mourinho ... and Chelsea need his profile this season."
Janish says: "Do you see Arsenal signing any defender before the deadline?" We're not hearing anything as yet, Janish. Arsene's obviously decided that what the team most needs is a highly gifted attacking midfielder who is arguably a bit on the lightweight side for English football. Stick with what you know, right?
Andrew Holgate: "David Moyes has been seen fuming outside OT. He was expecting Marouane Fellaini to turn up, but has only been able to get mouldy halloumi."
17.26 Word coming out of Arsenal is that the Ozil deal is going ahead, the headline personal terms are agreed and the deal is currently with the lawyers.
17.25 Our man on Merseyside, Chris Bascombe, has got the lowdown on Everton.
"The hurricane warning around Goodison Park has yet to prove justified, but no-one thinks the danger has passed yet for Everton.
There’s been a sense of inevitability Marouane Fellaini will be sold before 11pm, but Bill Kenwright is haggling for every last penny from Manchester United. Who can blame him? No doubt United are being reminded they took the Everton manager David Moyes for free (and even paid him for his first month’s work at Old Trafford) and did likewise with their backroom team, avoiding paying any compensation. Kenwright may feel Everton are owed whatever few million extra he can get from the champions.
Similarly, having paid Wigan to release Roberto Martinez, Everton are loathe to go beyond their valuation for James McCarthy.
Fernando, the Brazil midfielder, is in place to join from Porto for ?15 million if a work permit is secure and Fellaini leaves, but Gareth Barry’s ?110,000 a week wages have been the obstacle to his loan move going through smoothly. It’s all gearing up for a late night.
Then there’s Leighton Baines. He wants Everton to deal with United, but unless David Moyes get to ?18m, the England full-back can’t go."
Graeme Whittaker: "Ah, the joys of cut and paste. A tenner please J?rgen Bj?rnstjerne Larsen :~}"
17.22 The Belgian FA have granted Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini more time join up with the squad as he resolves his future.
17.20 Wigan are prepared to test Blackburn's willingness/ability to hang on to Jordan Rhodes with a six million pound bid.
Antariksh has got a theory: "What are the chances of Chelsea sitting back and then swapping Mikel and Fellaini? And some cash on the side. Just saying, y'know... Fellaini will be a reasonably regular starter, with Lamps' age n all."
David Sumner: "On the subject of Arsenal comebacks. Forget about Flamini, Kenny Samson is back on the market after a brief sojourn out. Would sort out the back four problem!"
17.15 Shall we have some emails? Let's have some emails.
Vicky: "Rooney plays for Moyes, Flamini is at Arsenal, Mourinho at Chelsea, Kaka at Milan & L'pool at the top of the table. The time machine worked."
Chris McLemore: "The only question I have is whether the Arsenal online store will let me put the umlaut over the O on the kit I intend to buy once a certain transfer is confirmed."
Oh, North London. Really?
17.13 News of a record transfer in the lower leagues coming up...
... Plymouth sign Wolves left-back Jamie Reckord.
17.10 Can't be long now until Jim White makes his appearance behind the Sky Sports News desk. He's as much a part of the day's festivities as teenagers binding onto Our Man At The Training Ground to stare into a camera lens, the obligatory Harry-Redknapp's-in-a-car interview and Peter Odemwingie stealing your parking spot.
Kiran Kulkarni: "Deadline day Questions. Why can't arsene go for guys like Jordan Rhodes? Will Jeremy Aliadiere, Reyes, Hleb etc follow Flamini? What about my Indian club Blackburn Rovers? Is there any chance of them coming back to premiership this season? And does Moyes really have funds available? Or is he going to land a midfielder from Mars? Thanks for ur great live blog."
17.00 So the headline possible moves as I see them: United in for Herrera, Ozil to Arsenal, Demba Ba to Arsenal. Chelsea are said to be asking for ?3m to loan the striker. Marouane Fellaini to United is another one we're keeping a close eye on.
16.58 To my mind, it beggars belief that Chelsea might be getting shot of Juan Mata. He's brilliant, no? Apparently a PSG move is seriously on.
J?rgen Bj?rnstjerne Larsen (excellent name if I may say so, sir) writes: "i'd love to see spurs make a last minute move for scott parker, villas-boas trying to mend the damage being made to his midfield by capoue's injury. sandro being injury prone, and all. There's some tempo and grit in scottie still, as observed in fulham's home defeat at the hands of the arsenal... Regards, J?rgen Bj?rnstjerne Larsen (tenner if you can spell that correctly)."
&noframe&Twitter: Scott - The best announcement would be if Mertesacker walked out and held Ozil up in the air like in The Lion King.&/noframe& 16.52 According to the BBC, Liverpool attacking midfiekder Daniel Pacheco is heading back to Spain to join Alcorcon, who are in the Segunda Division. That's Spanish for second division, you know.
16.48 This Demba Ba-Arsenal thing is an odd one, isn't it? He's only been at Chelsea five minutes. Our man in the know rates it as "quite likely".
16.46 According to Sky Sports N Yohan Cabaye is sticking at Newcastle.
Evan Dunn: "Re Peter Crouch's aforementioned visit to the Manc zoo - he likes giraffes because they make him feel less conspicuous!"
16.43 What transfer would you most like to happen today? Zlatan to Liverpool is our current shoot-for-the-moon wish. Oh, and Tyers to Hibs. You never know. Loan move would be fine, if you're reading, Pat Fenlon. I know the transfer window has shut up there, but I am sure they would make an exception.
16.38 An email from Scott Perkins on vagaries of the Spanish tax law system, which is funnily the first thing that made me fall in love with sport. The romance of el systema fiscale. What are your first memories of the Spanish tax law system?
Scott Perkins: "Having chased Fabregas, Ronaldo and Thiago, surely Ed Woodward was on top of Spanish tax laws. Then again...."
16.35 Big news for fans of West Brom, and fans of cinema. Lee Camp has signed for the Baggies on a monthly rolling contract (makes it sound a bit like a mobile phone plan, but that's what they're relling me). And what's more, here is Danny Storey on the twitter. Have at it, Danny.
&noframe&Twitter: Daniel Storey - I once sat next to Lee Camp in a cinema and he threw popcorn at people in front and started giggling. FAO West Brom fans.&/noframe& 16.30 Afternoon all, Tyers here to take you through the rest of the deals. Will Arsenal bag Ozil? Can United tie things up with Herrera? Is Joe Kinnear on the blower to Gerry Francis to sort out a deal for a no-nonsense stopper even as we speak?
16.27 Right, that's it from me. Thanks for your emails. Alan Tyers is in the hotseat and is going to bring this transfer window on home.
16.24 Have any of you ever made a bid to a club for a professional footballer? Did you get a response?
16.22 Blackburn want to make it categorically clear that Jordan Rhodes is not for sale. Got that? Don't even thing of making a bid.
16.11 Crystal Palace have made their third signing of the past 24 hours - Adrian Mariappa has joined from Reading for a fee believed to be ?3 million. Lee Camp has joined West Brom.
16.07 Some actual Ander Herrera to Manchester United news from Mark Ogden and complicated news at that ...
Manchester United will need to unravel complicated Spanish tax laws if they are to get the Ander Herrera deal over the line before 11pm.
United have met the midfielder's &#x2036m release clause at Athletic Bilbao, but Herrera could be forced to take a pay cut to ensure his move goes through.
All very complicated, and a quirk of the favourable tax laws for Basque clubs and players, but it is another element that has to be overcome before a deal can be signed off.
Still no breakthrough in terms of Marouane Fellaini and Everton, but that one still expected to happen.
16.04 Everyone spends all summer every summer moaning or laughing at Arsenal but if it wasn't for tWenger's curious penchant for leaving everything to the last minute then there would be very little real action on deadline day. In fact, deadline day would just be an over-hyped anti-climax. Oh ...
Anyway, Jeremy Wilson has word of not one, but two Arsenal moves
With Mesut Ozil to Arsenal almost done, talks for Emiliano Viviano are also progressing and deal should be announced shortly
16.01 The man below is Athletic Bilbao's Ander Herrera and very soon he could be about to get his first trip in a private plane (I assume) as word spreads that Manchester United have met his &#x2036 million buy-out clause and David Moyes may finally be able to sign that midfielder he has looked for all summer long.
15.44 Either it is the KCS Wimbledon day out to Manchester Zoo or this is a wind up. I'm going to assume the former:
First, Barney Oates writes: Just seen Peter Crouch feeding the emperor penguins and Manchester Zoo, deal to other City or United on the car