幽默英语笑话大全爆笑一：　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. &Doc,& he said, &I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!& Just put yourself in my hands for one year,& said the shrink. &Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears.& How much do you charge?& A hundred dollars per visit.& I'll sleep on it,& said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. &Why didn't you ever come to see me again?& asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10.& &Is that so! How?& He told me to cut the legs off the bed!& Ain't nobody under there now!!!　　幽默英语笑话大全爆笑二：　　A little old lady goes to the doctor ... and says, &Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.& The doctor says, &I see. Here's a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week.& The next week the lady goes back. &Doctor,& she says, &I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ... although still silent... stink terribly.& The doctor says, &Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing.&　　幽默英语笑话大全爆笑三：　　Boy: May I hold your hand?　　Girl: No thanks,it isn't heavy.幽默英语笑话大全爆笑幽默英语笑话大全爆笑　　Boy: Can I buy you a drink?　　Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.　　Boy: Is this seat empty?　　Girl: Yes,and this one will be if you sit down.幽默英语笑话大全爆笑文章幽默英语笑话大全爆笑出自Haven't I seen you some place before?　　Girl: Yes.That's why I won't go there anymore.　　Boy: I'd like to call you.Your number?　　Girl: It's in the phone book.　　Boy: Hi,didn't we go on dates before? Once or twice?　　Girl: Must've been once.I never make the same mistake twice.幽默英语笑话大全爆笑笑话大全　　Girl: If we become engaged, will you give me a ring?　　Boy: Sure,what's your telephone number?　　Girl: I think the poorest people are the happiest.　　Boy: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
第四篇:《爆笑英语笑话精选大全》
　　1、富有的邻居　　Rich neighbor　　Peter: Our neighborhood was quite rich　　Peter：我们的邻居非常富有　　Thor: How rich was?　　Thor：怎么富有了　　Peter: The miniature golf course had caddies　　Peter：他最小的一个高尔夫球场都有球童的啊~　　2、f there are any idiots in the room,will they please stand up?& said the sarcastic teacher .　　喜爱挖苦人的老师说：&如果在这间教室里面有白痴，就请站起来好吗?&。　　After a long silence,one rreshman rose to his feet,　　沉默了很久之后，有一名新生就站起来了。　　&Now then mister ,why do you consider yourself an idiot? &enquired the teacher with a sneer.爆笑英语笑话精选大全爆笑英语笑话精选大全　　老师就以讥笑的口气问他：&喂， 先生，你为什么认为你自己是个白痴呀?&　　&Well ,actually I don't,&said the student ,&but I hate to see you standing up there all byyourself.&　　这名学生说：& 唉呀，实际上我才不认为我是个白痴呢，而是我很讨厌看着你一个人站在那里啦。&　　3、lawyer opened the door of his BMW,　　有一位律师打开他的 BMW 座车车门，　　when suddenly a car came along and hit the door,ripping it off completely.　　当时刚好有一辆车子突然驶来撞上车门，而且把它完全给扯了下来。爆笑英语笑话精选大全文章爆笑英语笑话精选大全出自the police arrived at the scene,the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage tohis precious BMW.　　当警察到达现场的时候，这名律师正在对他的昂贵BMW座车所受到的损害，痛苦地抱怨不已。他满腹牢骚的向警察嘀咕说：　　&Officer,look what they've done to my BMW&,he whined.　　&警官，你瞧瞧他们对我的 BMW所干的好事啦!&　　&You lawyers are so materialistic,you make me sick!!!&retorted the officer,　　这名警官却回嘴说，& 你们这些律师实在太唯物主义了，你真让我觉得恶心!&　　&You're so worried about your stuid BMW that you didn't even notice that your left arm wasripped off!!!&　　&你竟然这么担心你一的笨BMW车子，却没注意到你的左手臂被扯断了&　　&Oh my God!& replied the lawyer,finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm oncewas,&Where's my Rolex?!&　　这名律师最后注意到流着血的左肩膀，也就是他的手臂原先所在之处，他回答说：&哦，我的天哪!我的劳动士手表在哪里呀?&更多关文章：1.英语笑话大全 爆笑2.英语笑话大全爆笑爆笑英语笑话精选大全笑话大全3.爆笑英语笑话精选大全4.英语小笑话大全 爆笑5.爆笑英语笑话大全6.英语笑话大全爆笑长7.英语笑话大全 爆笑带翻译8.爆笑的英语笑话故事
第五篇:《英语小笑话大全爆笑精选》
　　1、Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: &Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?& As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, &The person who signs my diploma.&　　我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是：&你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?&和预计的一样，大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是，最优秀的答案来自一个一新生，他说：&在我毕业证上签字的那个人。&　　2、A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, &I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'　　有个人开车行驶在上班的路上，一辆卡车闯红灯从侧面撞上了他的车，当时他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他从车里拉出来并唤醒他。刚一醒过来，他就拼命的挣扎着，最后不得不用了药物才让他镇静下来。过了一会儿，他平静了，别人问他为什么要这么恐怖的挣扎，他说：&被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，当我醒过来，我发现我躺在了路边，前面是一个巨大的广告牌上面闪烁着&壳牌&，但是有个人挡住了那个&S&。&小笑话大全爆笑精选小笑话大全爆笑精选　　3、Teacher: Where does God live?　　老师：上帝住哪儿?英语小笑话大全爆笑精选文章英语小笑话大全爆笑精选出自I think he lives in our bathroom.　　学生：我想他应该住我家浴室。　　Teacher: Why do you say that?　　老师：为什么这么说?英语小笑话大全爆笑精选笑话大全　　Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, &God, are you still in there?&
第六篇:《爆笑英文短篇笑话》
　　《I Don't Like an Argument》 我不想争论　　&Gerald,&asked the teacher,&what is the shape of the earth?&　　&It's round,&answered Gerald.　　&How do you know it's round?&continued the teacher.　　&All right,it's square then,he replied,I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!　　&杰拉尔德，&老师问：&地球是什么形状?&　　&是圆形的，&杰拉尔德回答道。　　&你怎么知道是圆的?&老师又问。　　&好吧，那它是方的，&学生回答说：&我可不想与你争论这件事情。&　　生难词：square adj.平方的，方形的　　2　　《Two Birds》 两只鸟　　Teacher: &Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?&　　Student: &I cannot point out but I know the answer.&　　Teacher: &Please tell us.&　　Student: &The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.&爆笑英文短篇笑话爆笑英文短篇笑话　　老师：&这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?&　　学生：&我指不出，但我知道答案。&　　老师：&请看。&　　学生：&燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。&　　生难词：swallow n.燕子 sparrow n.麻雀　　3　　《Three Turtles》 三只乌龟　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one,&Go home and get the umbrella.&爆笑英文短篇笑话文章爆笑英文短篇笑话出自little turtle replied,&I will, if you don't drink my offee.&　　&We won't,&the other two promised.　　Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle,&Well, I guess he isn't coming back,so we might as well drink his coffee.&　　Just then a voice called from outside the door,&If you do, I won't go.&　　三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，&回家去取伞吧。&　　最小的乌龟说，&如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。&　　&我们不喝，&另外两只乌龟答应说。　　两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，&好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。&　　正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，&你们要是喝了，我就不去。&　　生难词：turtle n.乌龟 biggest adj.最大的　　smallest adj.最小的 umbrella n.雨伞　　4　　英语笑话：三人同舟　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.　　三位男子在公园的长椅土坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。爆笑英文短篇笑话笑话大全　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.　　一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。　　&Oh yes,& he said. &They are my friends&　　&喔，认识，&他说，&他们是我的朋友&　　&In that case,& warned the officer, &you'd better get them out of here!&　　&那样的话，&警察告诫说，&你最好把他们从这里弄走。&　　&Yes, sir.& the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.　　&好的，瞥官。&那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂地做起划桨的动作来。
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I Understand Him
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . &Mump umn Kmpfhm,& was all I heard.
　　&Drew,& I scolded, &no one can understand a word you're saying.
　　&He says he wants some ketchup,& my husband said calmly
　　A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, &How in the world did you understand him?&
　　&I'm a dentist,& my husband explained.
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关键字含有“he”的内容：幽默爆笑英语故事四则_英语笑话
幽默爆笑英语故事四则
学习啦【英语笑话】 编辑：焯杰
　　在繁忙的生活中，也要偶尔放松自己的心情。下面学习啦小编为大家带来爆笑故事四则，欢迎大家阅读!
　　幽默爆笑：除卡之外
　　After many years of wanting an automatic-teller card, I finally got one. The first time I used it was at a bank machine in a nearby college town. A student was there, when I arrived，and I asked him if he'd like to help me figure out the proper procedure.
　　多少年来我总盼望有张自动取款卡，现在我终于有了。记得第一次我在大学城附近的一个银行自动提款机上使用我的卡时，我问站在旁边的一个学生，是否能帮我使用这个机器的程序。&当然，&他回答。
　　&Sure，&he replied.
　　我向他解择说我想存一笔钱。他打断了我说:&我想我帮不了你了，我从未存过钱.&
　　I explained that I wanted to make a deposit. He cut me off and said, &I don't think I can help you. I've never made a deposit.&
　　幽默爆笑英语故事：分别对待
　　On a visit to the United States，Gorbachev met a Russian who had immigrated to this country. &What do you do for a living here?&the Soviet leader asked him.
　　在出访美国期间，戈尔巴乔夫遇见了一位移居美国的俄国人。&你在这儿靠什么谋生?&苏联的领导问他。
　　&My brother, my sister and I work in a big factory.&
　　&我哥、我妹和我在一个大工厂工作.&
　　&How do these capitalist bosses treat you?&
　　&那儿的资本家对你们怎样?&
　　&Just fine，&answered the man.&In fact，if you are walking home from work, the boss picks you up in his big car and drives you to your door. Another time，he treats you to a dinner in an expensive restaurant. Sometimes he takes you home for the weekend and buys you presents.&
　　&还不错，&那人回答，&事实上，如果你下班回家，老板会让你搭坐他的豪华车，把你送到家。有时侯，他还请你去豪华的饭店吃一顿。有时候，他邀你到他家去度周末，还送给你礼物。&
　　Gorbachev was stunned.&How often does this happen?&
　　戈尔巴乔夫很吃惊:&这种事多久有一回?&
　　&Well，to me，actually never. But to my sister，several times. &
　　&嗯，对我嘛，还没有一次呢。但对我妹妹，已经有好几次了。&
　　幽默爆笑英语故事：后知之明
　　Several years ago, the Connecticut state police were required to put chains on their tires after the first snowfall.One officer, failing to do so，found himself in a skid that flipped the car over onto its roof.
　　几年前，康涅狄格州的警方对警察们有这样一个要求&&在下第一场雪后，把车胎上加上铁链。有一个警官就没这么做，也巧他在一次车子打滑中翻了车，车底朝上。
　　A woman called the police station to report the accident. In reply to inquires on the officer's condition，she said，&Well，he seems okay, but you'd better get. someone out here real quick. He's standing on the car，putting chains on the tires !&
　　一位妇女给警方打电话报告了这个事玫。在问其该警官的处境时，她报告说:&他看上去没事儿，不过，你们最好快点把他弄走，他正站在车底盘上给轮胎套链子呢!&
　　幽默爆笑英语故事：说实话
　　One Sunday morning a minister apologized to his congregation for the bandage on his face. &I was thinking about my sermon while shaving,&he explained，& and cut my face.&
　　一个星期天的早上，牧师向公众道歉自己脸上的胶布，&刮脸的时候，我在考虑我的说教词，&他解释着，&所以就把脸划破了。&
　　Afterward，in the collection plate，he found a note:&Next time，why not think about your face and cut the sermon. &
　　布道之后，在捐款盘上，他发现一个纸条，上面写着:&下次，为什么不考虑一下你的脸，而把说教词划了呢?&
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