l swear never to name you the wrong nameyou do you th

What To Do When You Don’t Know What to Do
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“He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.” ~Chinese Proverb
Here’s the thing: I don’t know what to do.
About this thing, about that thing. About big things and small things.
About anything.
Actually, to be honest, even the smallest thing seems big when I don’t know what to do about it. The state of “not knowing what to do” is like some kind of Miracle Grow for small things in my mind.
This is not a new thing. Not knowing what to do is a particular and well-honed talent of mine. I can even juggle several not knowing what-to-dos at once.
For example, at the moment I don’t know whether to go away with my friends this weekend or not. And if I do will I take the train? Or get a lift?
I don’t know whether to take that new job. And if I do, when should I start it? What about all those other job offers that will flood through the door the minute I say yes to this one?
I don’t know whether to start the diet tomorrow. Or today. Or next week. Or not at all. I don’t know whether to call my counselor or ride this one out alone.
I don’t know what is best, what is right. I don’t know what I want to do.
Do you know what else I don’t know? I don’t know what to do about not knowing what to do.
And whenever I feel like this (which is not always, but often), I start not knowing what to do about things I did know what to do about before. Things I had already
on, things I felt excited and sure about before, now feel wobbly and wrong. Even though I know the decisions felt right when I made them.
My brain starts questioning it all: What if I didn’t really know what to do then either, and just decided on something that wasn’t really the right thing to do after all? What if it turns out to be “wrong”? What if I acted on impulse and didn’t think it all through properly?
It’s like I’m mourning all the other possible options that will never, ever happen now because I didn’t choose them.
The little voice in my head chides me: If you choose option a, then such and such might happen, which could lead to x and then that may mean y. Had I known in the beginning about y, maybe I wouldn’t have chosen that original thing. Or would I? How do I know?
And this , the worry, the , the not knowing, it isn’t picky. It doesn’t just stick to the thing I’m not sure about. It leaks. It seeps into everything else, so instead of feeling uncertain or anxious about one thing in particular, about one decision specifically, I feel anxious, uncertain, and worried full stop. I forget what started it. I just feel it.
I feel it in my chest, near my heart. In my throat. It feels like guilt, muddled with , with overtones of panic and an undercurrent of fear. It feels hard and cold, like a vice-like grip.
And I don’t like it. But I just don’t know what to do about it. So I do nothing. Except worry and be anxious that doing nothing is not the right thing to do. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and it’s totally and utterly unproductive.
And the only thing that makes it stop? Is to just decide and do something. To just do anything.
And the only way to know what to do? Well actually, there is no answer to that one.
Other than to not worry about worrying. To not feel anxious about feeling anxious. To accept that there is no .
To breathe. To try to feel beyond the worry, to try to feel the answer rather than (over) think it.
To stop trying to second-guess every possible outcome of every possible decision. To stop trying to control and account for every accountability. It just isn’t possible.
I can’t know what will happen. I can’t know how I will feel about any of it. I can’t know whether the decision I make is any better or worse than any other decision I could have made because I am only ever going to experience the one path I do choose.
So I can only react with what I have, what I know, and how I feel, right here and right now. And I don’t need to I just need to do it. I just need to allow it to happen.
Back to my decisions. Well, I still don’t know what to do. I still don’t know what the “right” thing is.
But maybe that’s not so much of a problem after all.
Because I do know what the wrong thing is. And that’s to make no decision at all. Even if the decision I make is not to decide just yet—that is still a decision. Own it.
A friend once said to me, “Whenever the time is right, it will be the right time.” It helps me relax about my decisions.
I often wonder: Am I the only one like this? I don’t know that either, but if you’re with me:
Stop thinking it through. Stop making up what might happen. Because that’s what’s happening here, you’re just making it up. Just make the decision instead and enjoy the ride. Whatever it turns out to be, it doesn’t really matter—you can change it later if you really have to.
Whatever the decision is, just make it. What’s the worst that can happen, really?
Just make the decision and then be glad you did. Enjoy the freedom and the relief that follows.
Enjoy the present, indecision free. Because while you’re busy worrying about what might happen tomorrow, guess what? You’re missing out on all the great stuff happening today.
So just decide. Just relax.
Want to know the good news? The decision thing is just as leaky as the indecision thing.
Once I get going again, I know there’ll be no stopping me. I’ll breeze through decisions that floored me before. I’ll put those small things back in their place. And if it feels wrong, I’ll change it. I won’t worry about it. Things that felt a bit wrong and weird before just won’t matter anymore.
I won’t know where this whole confident, decision making thing came from. I’ll just feel it.
I’ll feel it in my chest, near my heart. It will feel like contentment, embracing joy, tickled with peace and flavored with lightness. It will feel soft and warm, like molten honey trickling through my veins. It will make me smile.
And I will love it. And I will do all I can to hold on to it.
That I do know.
So let’s just get started. Let’s just relax. Let’s just decide. And let’s never look back.
About Emma is passionate about positive psychology, avidly learning and applying its lessons to her life and work. Her own personal journey through stress, growth and discovery inform both her
with the hope of spreading happiness to others, one spark at a time. |
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For women only:
As Seen On:
By Dr. George Karanastasis
There you are… you’re having a peaceful moment with your girlfriend engaging in meaningless conversation about an equally senseless issue when it comes out of nowhere to blindside you both: a fight so nasty that, after several rounds
of back-and-forth bickering, sends the two of you to your respective corners… banged up and badly bruised.
At first, your ego stands tall fueled by the fury of the recent event. There’s no way in hell you’re taking that initial step toward a resolution, you think to yourself. But like all matters involving conflict, time lends its healing hand here as well and before you know it… you’re feeling calm yet overwhelmed with guilt.
You want to make up with her but you’re clueless as to how you should proceed. You’re embarrassed and at a loss for words because deep down you know that saying “sorry” just ain’t gonna cut it.
So, if you’re finding yourself in this all-too-common situation let me offer you a simple approach that, when followed, virtually guarantees a swift recovery and you’ll soon be chalking up this fight to nothing more than a faint memory of the past.
It all boils down to 3 steps, so here they are…
Step 1: Make Your Apology Count…
Do this by meeting her in person to say you’re sorry. But before you run off to see her, take some time to put a written apology on a card as well. You’ll be giving this to her when you get together, but only after you’ve verbally expressed your thoughts.
This order of events is crucial. Why? Because too many “men” hide behind their keyboards when it comes to saying sorry.
They send off a half-baked email to their girlfriends in order to avoid the personal encounter. It takes guts to raise your hand and admit you’re wrong. She knows this and will not only appreciate the sincerity of your gesture, but she’ll take your willingness to make up that much more seriously.
Now, here’s where that well written apology card comes in…
Even if your girlfriend flat-out rejects your attempt to make up because she’s still fuming from the fight, she’ll have your words to read over somewhere down the road when in a better mood. This “two-pronged approach” ensures that she takes what you have to say to heart.
Step 2: Take All The Heat If You Must… At Least Initially
If you’re looking for a quick resolve with this girl then you have to approach her with tact and take on full blame for the fight. Forget about your ego and swallow your pride. Any logical arguments you might want to bring up as to why you’re not entirely to blame you’ll have to save for later. There’s a time and place for this but the initial meeting where you’ll be apologizing is not one of them.
But don’t worry… you’ll get the chance to put your word in soon enough. It won’t be long before she calms down and is receptive to hearing what you have to say in your defense. And when that moment comes, you can be sure that she’ll be agreeing with most of it. Because if you’ve done everything right up until now, she’ll be feeling the weight of her own guilt as well. But this won’t happen unless you bite the bullet first!
Step 3: Back Off And Let Her Make The Next Move…
Depending on the relationship and the seriousness of the fight this step might not be necessary. She might accept your apology from the get go and you can put this fight behind you. However, I’ve included it here to cover all possible ways this scenario can play itself out.
If your girlfriend doesn’t immediately make up with you after apologizing or even taking the full blame for the fight, your next move is to back off and let her know that you’ll wait for her to get in touch whenever she feels ready.
Under no circumstances should you push for a resolve. There’s nothing more counter-productive than trying to persuade an angry woman for a second chance… especially if she’s not ready to give it to you.
However, rest assured that, in time, she will forgive and forget. And if you’ve followed the instructions in here to the letter, she’ll also reward you in her own way for handling this fight in a mature fashion (let your imagination run w)).
In conclusion, while this fight with your girlfriend may seem like the end of the world (with no possibility of coming to a resolution), rest assured that by taking a stepwise and calculated approach, this too will come to pass. And when it does, you’ll be happy to find yourself back where you started: enjoying the peaceful times with the girl you love.
Has this fight led to (or leading to) a breakup? If so,
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Best Email:消极乐队_百度百科
众所周知,芬兰以金属乐队而闻名,优秀的乐队也层出不穷,例如Nightwish,HIM,The Rasmus和Children Of Bodom,个个都是名声在外。但是在去年,大部NEGATIVE分的芬兰音乐杂志都把Negative评为年度最佳乐队,其核心人物Jonne同时也在日本被评为“2004年度最佳(Rock Star of The Year 2004)”。Negative的处女单曲《The Moment Of Our Love》以及专辑《War Of Love》在芬兰得到了金唱片销量Negative的第二张专辑的第一支单曲《Frozen To Lose It All》直冲芬兰单曲榜榜首。被称为新世纪的Guns’n’Roses。
消极乐队乐队发展
乐队于1997年
在组建,一开始只有3个成员,包括现在的Jonne和Jay。那时候他们还在读高中,风格类似于Nirvana,Jonne像Kurt Cobain那样负责吉他和主唱。Jonne把乐队命名为Negative,是因为他们的歌词总是描写积极的东西,充满了希望,与“Negative”这个代表着消极的词语正好相反,也包含了“生活就是由矛盾和冲突组成的”的含义,更展开说,这也包括了摇滚的“革命”的主张。同时由于Jonne对Nirvana的推崇,“Negative”某种程度上也出于有着和Nirvana有同样的首字母N的考虑。乐队随后相继加入了Antti,Larry,和Sir Christus。他们以5人的阵容完成了第一张专辑《War Of Love》。在制作第二张专辑之前,乐队又加入了新成员Snack。
这样便形成了乐队目前的阵容:
Jonne Aaron (主唱),
Larry Love (吉他),(已离队)
Sir Christus (吉他)(已经退出乐团),
Antti (贝司),
Jay (鼓) ,
Snack (键盘)。
早在,网络上就“Negative中那个金发的到底是谁?——男孩还是女孩?”不断有人进行激烈的争辩。他具有非常柔和的面部轮廓和线条,长而耀眼的金发,全身像女孩子一般光滑的皮肤——如果Jonne是一个女孩,这一切也就不会让人如此惊讶了。而且他的星座是处女座,他喜欢穿女式的短小上衣,戴闪亮的丝绸围巾,当然他也喜欢化妆。在台下的Jonne非常害羞,总是没有勇气主动和别人搭话,即使他想找人聊聊,也宁可只是一个人坐着看别人。乐队的生活帮助他克服了一些胆怯。他也是个的人,喜欢蜡烛和草莓,喜欢“”的故事。虽然他的服装他的外貌以及经常亲吻乐队的其他成员的行为总会让人认为他是同性恋,但他并不是,他认为这只是兄弟之间的爱。总之,他就是天生的尤物,无可否认地轻而易举地成为了人们的焦点所在。
作为乐队的核心人物,同时也是主唱、作词、作曲的Jonne Aaron常说,“要永远相信你的梦想”,而他自己就是一个最为典型的例子。今年年初在芬兰播出了他的个人纪录片,叙述了一个小男孩如何不断追求梦想,从孤儿院中走出,成为的故事。他也希望能通过这个纪录片来帮助一些有家庭问题的孩子走出困境,用乐观的态度来积极面对。Jonne Aaron全名Jonne Aaron Liimatainen,他的妈妈是根据猫王Elvis Aaron Presley为他命名的,也许他从出生的时候就注定了和音乐的。在他12岁那年,他的父母离婚了,他母亲长期酗酒使他不得不搬去父亲那里,但父亲这里的情况也不理想,他只能被送去了孤儿院。他的父亲送给他吉他并教他怎样弹奏,他的祖母则作为父母的结合体将他带大,并教会了他什么是爱什么是家庭。Jonne有两个兄弟,分别是弟弟Ville和哥哥Tommi。Tommi对他的影响很大,从小到大对他照顾了很多。他说他可以不在乎让父亲知道他抽烟,但他不能不在乎Tommi的意见。现在Tommi作为Negative的经纪人,依然一如既往地照顾着Jonne。他的童年虽然艰难,但他并不觉得自己是不幸的。他小时候的理想是成为一个飞行员,但是他不得不放弃了,因为他总是晕机。当他18岁离开孤儿院的后,他先去了一家幼儿园工作。他非常喜欢孩子,和他们一起唱歌,在他们睡熟后他独自一人弹吉他,从那时候起,他决定组建一个乐队。在幼儿园工作的经历使他学会了真诚地对待别人和音乐。乐队录制了一张小样也进行了一些非常成功的演出,受到了人们的欢迎,但是没有唱片公司愿意和他们签约,因为唱片公司希望Jonne能够单独发展以取得更大的成功。最后几经周折,他们终于与当地的一家唱片公司GBfam签约,开始了初步的宣传和发展。
与别的不同的是,Jonne并不认为自己的工作是简单而有趣的。自从他们在1997年进行了他们的第一次演出后,他对“甜蜜的摇滚生活”的幻想已经完全消失了。如今成功的是从血水和汗水中来的,比以往的任何时候都更加困难。他们必须在得到别人的赏识之前就去无数的地方进行无数的演出,有些地方甚至都很难在地图上找到。Jonne患有哮喘,这对于一个摇滚歌手来说更是显得困难重重。他不得不随时随地带着呼吸器,甚至是在舞台上。大量的演出让他的身体更加虚弱,他经常因为过度的工作而晕倒。有时他们必须在一天之内去三个不同的地方进行三场演出。在日本的行程安排就是一个例子,他们必须在6天中去5个不同的城市进行演出,同时还要在每个城市反复地和歌迷及公司代表见面,并且接受大量的采访,每两个采访之间的休息时间只有不可思议的一分半钟。艰苦奋斗换来的成绩是值得让人欣慰的,但这点成功并不能让Jonne感到满足,因为他的目标不仅仅在于芬兰和欧洲,而是整个地球,有必要的话甚至包括月球。
Negative把自己的音乐风格称为“emo-rock”,也就是指Emotional Rock'n'Roll。尽管他们经常被拿来和芬兰的其他乐队作比较,例如HIM,TO/DIE/FOR,或是Sentenced,但是他们并不认为他们受到过这些乐队的影响。他们的音乐源于芬兰的传统音乐,在抒情歌曲的基础上加入强劲的,歌词大多是美好而积极的,表达了各种感情,而不仅仅是愤怒。他们的音乐是美丽的旋律和摇滚的结合。对Jonne影响最大的还是Nirvana,Guns’n’Roses以及Aerosmith。乐队初期走的是post-grunge的风格,现在则处于和之间的位置,这并非是出于对商业的考虑,因为Jonne相信如果他们玩grunge也能挣得很好。音乐风格之所以和过去会有如此大的转变,正是因为每个乐队都需要几年的时间去摸索和创建他们自己独特的风格,他们最初想成为一个乐队,而他们现在正在做他们想做的音乐。随着人生的阅历和厂长的经验积累,这种转变是自然而然的。他们多彩绚丽的的服装复兴了华丽摇滚的传统,也是对Steven Tyler和Axl Rose的尊重,同时也反映出他们音乐的多重感情——也许这一点在第一次听他们音乐的时候还很难发现。他们不愿意像大多数芬兰乐队那样穿着黑色的紧身衣,发出单调乏味的呻吟,宣称无尽的消沉才是伟大的哥特本质,只为了自私地宣泄感情而忽视了歌迷的感受。Negative从来不会烦扰到听众,他们使听者振作,特别是在冰冷而又绵长的冬天给他以希望之光。
Negative的音乐最大的特点就是真诚,对他们自己、歌迷还有记者。每一个见过他们演出的人都能很明显的发现他们与其他芬兰乐队的区别。把他们和其他乐队相比是毫无意义的。他们的音乐完全表达了他们的真实情感,讲述他们生活中的真实故事,从不撒谎。在专辑中除了两首歌是为了纪念曾经和他相处过的人,他们的歌大部分来自于Jonne的浪漫的幻想,这就像一本他个人的日记,记录了他的种种感受和印象。他的歌词大都有关他的个人生活,他的爱情。这对于他来说是唯一的摆脱消极情绪的方法。有些人跑到街上砸碎橱窗的玻璃,或是彼此斗殴,以此来抗议这个世界的残酷和丑恶。他把这些负面的消极的情绪通过歌曲来发泄出来。这也正印证了乐队的名字“Negative”。他是一个敏感而又容易受伤的人,所以大部分的歌词都相当浪漫但也有一些自我毁灭的意味。也许只有在芬兰又长又冷的冬天才能创造出如此忧郁的歌词,而不是阳光灿烂的洛杉矶。
今年一月,Negative和HIM,The Rasmus等乐队同台,在Hartwall Arena进行慈善演出,一起为在中受难的人们筹款。在休整了一个多月后,他们的单曲和专辑相继在德国发行,并接受了德国电台和电视台的采访,德国的巡演也正在计划中。然而这一切只是一个开始,他们的目标是整个世界。没有理由否认他们将会成为最伟大的乐队之一,这也正是Negative的目标。当年演出前,Jonne总会因为过度紧张,在后台的地板上躺半小时不能起来,或是兴奋地呕吐,他也曾说过:“即使买不起吃的,也要继续摇滚。我可以的指甲,我要按自己的方式生活下去。”现在他们已经成功了,他需要考虑的是如何继续下去。也许这对于他来说已经不是问题了,因为Negative乐队有足够的自信。当被问到“如果让你列一个芬兰乐队的名单,你会把哪个放在首位?”,Jonne的回答是:“多么奇怪的问题。当然是Negative!”
一些有关Jonne的其它:
如果可以选择的话,Jonne最想拥有的超能力是飞翔。
在巡演的路上,Jonne的“基本设备”之一是睫毛膏。
Jonne的座右铭:Life is an orange.它的含义是,尽管别人看见橙子艳丽的外表会想到它新鲜的内在,但通常它是腐烂的。
如果Jonne可以影响一个人的话,他会说:1.生活是一个橙子 2.生活并努力地生存 3.永远相信你的梦想。
1.Sir Christus现在已经退出,并且其没有参加专辑Karma Killer的录制。
2. Larry Love继Sir Christus之后也离开了乐队
2.关于新增成员问题,官方表示Negative不会再加入新的成员了,他们会保持五个人的阵容。
3.Negative最近发售的是一张B-SIDES,叫做'God Likes Your Style',可以到他们的官方MySpace进行试听。
消极乐队专辑介绍
(该列表来自消极乐队中国官方MySpace)
Karma Killer
Release date 07.05.2008
01. A Devil on my Shoulder
2. Sealed
3. Won’t Let Go
4. Motherfucker (Just Like You)
5. Giving Up!
6. An Ornament
7. Dead As We
8. Anna Simona
9. Lust N’ Needs
10. Gravity Of Love
Won’t Let Go -digital single
Release date 16.04.2008
01. Won’t Let Go
In the Eye of the Hurricane DVD
Release date 26.01.2008
LIVE AT PAKKAHUONE,TAMPERE,FINLAND,DEC. 8,2006
Glory of the Shame
My My Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)
Reflections
Sinners’ Night / Misty Morning
Embracing Past
Frozen to Lost It All
Lost Soul (Instrumental Song)
One Last Shot
Planet of the Sun
L.A Freeding Fire
The Moment of Our Love
In Memorian (Immortal Song)
Still Alive / A Song for the Broken Hearted
Until Your’re Mine
In My Heaven
MUSIC VIDEOS
The Moment of Our Love
Frozen to Lose It All + Making Of
In My Heaven + Making of
Planet of the Sun + Making of
Sinners’ Night / Misty Morning
- Interview 2007 18min
- Jonne Aaron /
Mr. Snack /
Larry Love /
Sir Christus /
Antti Anatomy /
jay Slammer
AROUND THE WORLD
- Documentary 1h 44min
FAN VIDEOS
Live at Konzerthaus Schuur,Lucerne,Switzerland,November 16,2006
FAN PHOTOS
PHOTO GALLERY
+ HIDDEN LINKS
Fading Yourself -single
Release date 14.03.2007
01. Fading Yourself
02. Lost In America
03. In Memoriam (live)
04. Fading Yourself (acoustic)
Sinners’ Night / Misty Morning -single
Release date: 29.11.2006
01. Sinners’ Night / Misty Morning (radio edit)
02. Sinners’ Night / Misty Morning (album version)
03. Heroine (acoustic jam)
Release date: 27.09.2006
01. Arrival
02. Glory Of The Shame
03. Reflections
04. One Last Shot
05. Fading Yourself
06. Planet Of The Sun
07. A Song For The Broken Hearted
08. Sinner’s Night / Misty Morning
10. Stop F*in’ Around
11. Embracing Past
12. We Can’t Go On
13. In Memoriam (Immortal Peace)
Planet of the Sun
Release date: 06.09.2006
01. Planet Of The Sun
02. Planet Of The Sun (original extended version)
03. Heroine (Studio live)
My my,hey hey (Out of Blue) -single
Release date: 22.6.2005
1. My My,Hey Hey (Out of the blue)
2. Dream Flowers
3. Something
Dark Side - Until You’re Mine -single
Release date: 16.2.2005
1. Until You’re Mine
2. Black Light
Bright Side - About My Sorrow -single
Release date: 16.2.2005
1. About My Sorrow
2. God likes you
In My Heaven -single
Release date: 20.10.2004
1. In My Heaven
2. Better Without You
3. In My Heaven (video)
Sweet & Deceitful
Release date: 1.9.2004
2. Frozen To Lose It All
3. Creeping Inside
4. Locked In The Dark
5. In My Heaven
6. My My/Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue)
7. Neverending Parade
8. L.A. Feeding Fire
9. Until You Are Mine
10. About My Sorrow
11. Secret Forgiveness
12. Angels Won..t Lie
Frozen to Lose Tt All -single
Release date: 19.5.2004
1. Frozen to Lose it All
2. My Personal Sensitivity
Still Alive -single
Release date: 12.12.2003
1. Still Alive (new version)
2. Still Alive album version
3. Lost soul (acoustic)
4. Still Alive (live video).
War of Love -limited edition
Release date: 5.12.2003
(Limited edition,2000 copies)
1. Lost Soul
3. After All
4. Misery
5. The Moment of Our Love
6. Inspiration
7. 1000 Nails in My Heart
8. Bleeding
9. Goodbye
10. Last Hero
11. Still Alive
12. Video The Moment of Our Love
Extra material:
+ Loving you
+ Childhood memories
+ Bleeding (acoustic)
+ extra video material
After All -single
Release date: 13.06.2003
1. After All
2. Goodbye (acoustic version)
3. Bonus video material
War of Love
Release date: 28.3.2003
1. Lost Soul
3. After All
4. Misery
5. The Moment of Our Love
6. Inspiration
7. 1000 Nails in My Heart
8. Bleeding
9. Goodbye
10. Last Hero
11. Still Alive
12. Video The Moment of Our Love
Moment of Out Love -single
Release date: 18.02.2003
1. The moment of our love
2. Dying feelings
3. The moment of our love (acoustic)
God Likes Your Style-single.
Release date:17.6.2009
Release date:2.6.2010
No One Can Save Me Tonight
End Of The Line
Love That I Lost
Blood On Blood
Celestial Summer
Jealous Sky
Days I`m Living For
Since You`ve Been Gone
Kiss Of Hope
Fucking Worthless
注:以上所列部分歌曲在官方MySpace(下面有链接)有试听,如果你喜欢,请购买正版。
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